After Edward left, I debated going up to my room on the third floor, but decided to leave him some semblance of privacy and went to Jake's room. I wasn't on his couch for more than five minutes before I heard the slightest creaking of floorboards from the far end of the second floor. Alice's voice was clear as a bell as she called for me.
I quickly used the restroom, running the tap loudly to disguise sounds (I hoped), and then with shaking hands made my way to Alice and Jasper's room. I was standing in front of their door, my heart beating rapidly, when Alice said, “come in,” before I could even knock.
My mind conjured images of Hollywood vampires of old; Nosferatu, Willem Dafoe's Max Schreck, Christopher Lee as Dracula, and then to the gorgeous yet deadly vampires created by Anne Rice. But the Cullens aren't like them, you've seen what they are like, my thoughts overrode the movie stills flashing before my eyes. I focused on the fact that Alice was the same as she had been for the past week, for decades, possibly for centuries.
I was the one who had changed. My mind had made room for these new truths; just as my heart had already created space to care about the Cullens.
Alice was seated cross-legged on her bed, her back up against the headboard. A mesh basket was in her lap. She patted the space beside her, smoothing out a wrinkle in the bedspread as she indicated where I should sit. Her lips curved into a gentle smile as I climbed up onto the bed.
“I'm glad you aren't running down the street screaming.”
“I thought Carlisle and Jasper said you were with Jake...” I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.
“Now that I know about his importance to you, I would not, could not, do that to you, Bella.”
I rested my head on her hard shoulder, my mind now accepting the differences as due to their nature, not to some health anomaly. Alice's arm went around me and I relaxed into her touch, trying to focus on the almost sisterly friendship we had forged.
“You are staying, aren't you, Bella?”
I turned to look at Alice and saw a shimmer cross her eyes as if she was about to cry. I nodded and she held me tightly to her chest and rocked for a moment and then pulled back.
“I can't cry.”
“I...”
“Oh, I saw you were going to ask and I...” She paused for a moment, her eyes focused on the bedspread. “I get visions, Bella. I see the future, or parts of it at least, as people make decisions. There are blind spots, however, surrounding the Quileute for some reason. Due to your closeness with Jake, it makes your presence murky at times. I can see the final results of your future, but not the small things leading up to your decisions.”
“What do you see for me?”
She smiled and looked toward the door. “Edward says I can't tell you; that you have to choose the fate for yourself.”
“Alice, I want in. I want to be a donor. I've already chosen my fate. I want to stay here, as a donor.”
“I know. I've known for a while, but I'd hoped there would be another path. So, I did some shopping, and there are some things we need to go over. You are a human female and that will present some difficulties we've had practice in overcoming through the donor program.”
Alice pulled out a bag of pads, one of tampons, and another box I had never seen before.
“This, obviously is a maxi-pad. You can use them here, but I don't recommend it. The blood your body sheds is dead, but seeing as you are a singer, having the scent of blood constantly permeating the air is not a good idea.” Her lips continued to move but I could not hear her words. Alice gave me a sheepish grin and then spoke to me once more. “Sorry, I was answering a question James had. I'll introduce you to our new guests soon.”
Alice held up the tampon and then shook her head. “I really don't recommend these. Just trust me, please.”
I was confused but nodded. “So what option do I have? I should start my period in the next few days.”
Alice opened up the third box and took out a small plastic cup that tapered down to a short tip. Given the other two items, I knew what it was for, but really hoped she was wrong.
"Bella, this is a Diva Cup. It is used to contain your menstrual blood, after which you can dump the blood into the toilet or sink and rinse the blood away. Bleach is already under your sink for removing any lingering scent. I would recommend opening the bottle first to help disguise the scent of your blood to Edward until we determine how strong his reaction remains."
Alice closed her eyes and scrunched up her face just as Emmett walked by, his eyes on what she held. He walked by but yelled back to us, "Ooh! Shot glass!"
Alice and I both cringed as someone smacked Emmett hard enough that we heard him bellow in pain as he hit the wall. We heard several crashes as he went down the stairs and both went running to see him stretched out on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, his whole body shaking with laughter.
“James, that was fun. You really should try it. Alice, you'll toss him for me, won't you?”
Esme came out from the kitchen and shook her head. “Boys, no destroying the house.” She clucked her tongue as she examined the damage to the staircase. “Emmett, the boards are in the storage shed. Get to work.”
“She said that like it is an everyday occurrence,” I whispered to Alice.
“Oh, it is whenever James is around. It's even worse when Jasper and James get into it. I'll tell you that story later.”
James turned and held out his hand. “James Williams, pleased to make your acquaintance.” When I reached to shake his hand, he quickly lifted it to his face, kissed the back of my hand and then turned to sniff my wrist. “Very pleased,” he purred out.
A growl coming from behind James caught all of our attention. Jasper and Edward were coming down the stairs, twin growls as they looked at James who was slowly inching closer to me, interposing himself between me and the angry vampires. Jasper had a hand on Edward's chest, pushing him backwards toward the stairwell to the third floor.
“Hands off, James. She's not part of the program, besides, you have your donor.” Jasper's eyes were darkening and I could see him drop into a crouch as he spoke.
“My mistake, I thought I heard her say she was a donor.”
“I was just taking her to sign the contract, James.” Alice brushed his hand off of me and half-carried me down the hall to Carlisle's office. We had to brush by the boys to get to Carlisle's study. Edward's eyes pleaded with me, the pain was evident, although I couldn't tell if he was pleading for me to be a donor or to leave. Both were written all over his face.
Carlisle was already sitting at the desk, one of the chairs pulled up so that I could sit across from him. Two slips of paper, a small flat box, and a pen sat before him.
“You're sure about this, Bella?”
I nodded.
“Then let the paperwork begin.”
I filled out two pages of information and when only my signature remained, Carlisle pulled out a small pen like device I'd seen Billy use repeatedly during my years of knowing him.
“My blood sugar is fine, Carlisle.”
“I am well aware of that. But, I need to procure just a drop of your blood before I can finalize your welcome into the donation program.”
I held out my hand and Carlisle pressed the pen against the tip of my thumb. The pain was momentary and Carlisle quickly wiped his finger across the blood welling up and then stuck it in his mouth.
“No anomalies, iron content is good. I'll have you start on a high-protein and iron diet along with full spectrum vitamins so that we can help slow anemic tendencies. You also need to maintain adequate fluid intake. Please minimize the use of carbonated beverages and of course, we do not allow smoking by our donors but I do not believe that is an issue for you.”
“When...” was all I could answer before Alice interrupted.
“Tomorrow afternoon, right after lunch. Carlisle has to drive into town to obtain more syringes in the morning.”
Carlisle let out a small laugh. “She'll be unstoppable now, Bella. We have enjoyed the past week when Alice has had to pretend to be human and not anticipate everyone's needs.”
Carlisle nudged the box over to me. “We normally have to wait a week or more to have one issued from the Volturi. Alice however, saw you coming and we had a blank requested. I carved it myself just moments before you returned to my office. I heard you tell Alice you wanted in and knew it was time.”
I opened the box to reveal a bracelet, gently curved, that had an odd set of marks on either side, and in the center were two crests- one I had not seen before and the other was set into the Cullen's door.
“The crest on the left belongs to the Volturi and is a mark of protection. If you happen to be traveling away from our home and come across any other vampires, this crest and accompanying words in the language ancient to all but the eldest of our kind, state that you cannot be bitten or otherwise harmed under penalty of the offender's final death.
“Our crest, that of my family going back for decades, marks that you belong to us.” Carlisle held up his hand. “I'm not saying that you are our property and have no choice in your future. At any time you may leave and if you do become a bonded donor, you can end that relationship at any point you so desire. You and your host will individually determine a set of safety words so that if you feel too much is being taken you can try to make him stop.”
“Doesn't Edward want my blood? I thought I could donate for him.” I wanted to feed him; I had to. I have to make Edward stop hurting.
“He has stated that he will not take a donor. I will not challenge his decision. If at any point he decides otherwise, he will offer a bonding gift. If you accept, he will drink directly from your vein, and we'll finalize the paperwork immediately.”
“I thought he wanted... After earlier, I was certain...”
Both Carlisle and Alice looked to the door. Carlisle was the first to speak up. “Edward would have me say...”
“Edward can tell me himself or he can shove his thoughts up his ass.”
Carlisle coughed lightly, his eyes sparkling. “You certainly are a fiery one, Bella. If you are still certain you wish to be a donor, your signature will complete our transaction and along with your daily needs being met here at the center, we will set up the paperwork to have money directly deposited into your bank account. I will need to contact your father, as the police chief, and let him know that you have joined our program.”
I could feel myself visibly pale. “We can't leave that part out?” I was angry with Charlie for lying to me, I was angry with a lot of the situation that brought me to this moment; but I had finally made a decision on my own and was going to stick to it. I was just sick to my stomach at the thought of my father finding out what I was doing, and secondly the small amount of blood I'd had to look at during the “test” had made me nauseous.
“I'm afraid not, Bella. Your father, however, is a reasonable man, and once you have signed the contract, he cannot go against it. Do you sign of your own free-will? You can remain here, as our guest, if you choose to decline.”
I picked up the pen and signed away my life's blood. Even if he didn't want my blood, I could help the rest of the family. I could perhaps save Jake being fed from once a week or so. I would be able to make enough money to send some to Eric for the rent he was having to pay on his own.
“Carlisle, can I give you two bank accounts to split the money between, if it isn't too much trouble?”
“That should be no problem. Which secondary account would you like?”
I pulled my wallet out and grabbed the check Eric had made me take from our joint account in case of emergency. I wrote down the routing number.
“Oh, Mister Yorkie is already on our payroll. His father was one of our donors until his death. We are still paying his listed next of kin, Eric, the agreed upon sum from the contract even though the death was through no fault of ours.”
The panic attack I'd avoided earlier came crashing down over me as my world became considerably smaller. Eric knew what they were. The last thing I heard as the darkness began to swirl and the floor rose up to meet me was Alice yelling for Jasper.
~*~
I awoke near dusk, the sky was beginning to darken and melon shaded glow was lighting up the window of my room. My back was sweating from heat and I could feel Jake's arm over me, the smell of his shampoo and soap filled my nose. A part of my brain nagged at me with the thought, at least he washed off Rosalie first.
“I know you're awake, Bells. Your breathing changed.”
Jake released me and sat up on the bed. With fear building in my chest, I turned to look at my former lover. His jaw was tensed, cheeks hallowed from biting the inside flesh, and his eyes were hard. I swallowed and attempted to ask what was wrong.
“You aren't supposed to be a donor, Bella! I donate every fucking day so that people like you don't do this.”
I used his shoulders to pull myself into a seated position. “Jake, I want to. I can do this. I can give my blood to help them. I can help Edward. I'm his singer, Jake.”
“No. You're quitting now.”
My cheeks burned with my anger and I tried to repress it, I really did. My temper won out and I slid out of bed and began tearing at my hair in frustration.
“Jake, you don't have the right to tell me what to do. You have even less of a right now than you did when we were together. I'm my own person; I can choose what to do with my life. Why don't you just get out of my room? Go back to yours.”
He stood up to his full height, easily towering over me as he rested his hands on my shoulders. “I'm not going to watch you lose your life, Bells. Choose something else. Do anything else but this. You could be hurt.”
“So could you!” I retorted.
His head began to shake almost violently. “No, I can't, Bella. I will be fine. Those leeches could kill you and I can't always be there to save you. This is no place for you.”
Since Jake wouldn't budge, I left and went to his room, not wanting to defile my private space with this argument.
“Then, leave with me.” Even as I said the words, I knew I couldn't leave Edward behind. The pain in his eyes ate at me. I would help him; I would give him my blood.
“I can't, Bells; you know that. My dad needs this money.”
We both let out deep heart-felt sighs. “I'm staying, Jake. Please don't make this hard on me. It's my decision.”
“Just get out, Bella. I can tell that you won't listen to reason. I'll see you at dinner when I've calmed down a bit. Go enjoy your birthday dinner.”
I ran for the stairs and then remembering that the Cullens would hear me regardless, I slowed down and tried to calm my body and thoughts. I was almost composed by the time I reached the table.
Edward stood at my chair and pulled it out for me before disappearing into the kitchen to bring out dinner. There were no plates out for the vampires, only the humans. Apparently, now that I was in the know, they would stop pretending all around.
Edward served my dinner and then went to the kitchen to bring out the wine and glasses. Before I could thank him for the glass of Merlot he sat in front of me, he had twirled away, seating himself at the piano across the room. Edward played the most beautiful song, his face at peace with eyes closed, as the song came from memory.
The other solid food eaters were already digging into the roast I'd put in the oven earlier. I had wanted to wait for Edward but Carlisle and Esme both indicated I should eat my dinner. Edward opened one eye and gave me a small smile before nodding.
The roast had not burned during my unplanned nap and I was able to focus on it before Esme brought out the Cullens' goblets. Jake came down at last, and he made himself a plate before sitting beside me. He was stiffly silent, his body radiating tension as he ate.
“Jake, talk to me.”
He let out a sound that was more “harrumph” than a real response.
“Forget about him, Bella. Jake's just being a sourpuss,” Emmett interjected. “Just focus on the fact that there is a huge cake in the kitchen with your name on it, and tomorrow night, we'll be drinking eau de Bella.”
“No, you won't. She's not going to be a donor.” Jake slammed his fists down on the table and wood splintered at the edges.
“I agree with Jacob. Bella should not be in the program. It is far too dangerous.” Edward stopped playing the piano and stood up from the bench. “She should never have come here in the first place.”
I refused to cry angry tears during my birthday dinner. “It is my decision to make. I choose to be a donor. I have already signed the paperwork. Neither of you have the ability to change my mind.”
“I can carry you out of here while you can kick and scream, Bells. That's what I can do.”
Jake moved for me but I found myself almost flying in the opposite direction as the world turned upside down. Wind rushed by and then after a sudden jarring and thud, something tickled my cheek. When I opened my eyes again, I saw a rather nicely shaped ass beneath black denim, the heels of boots showing beneath the hem. The ground moved by at a rapid rate, and turning my neck, I saw James' long blond ponytail bounce and hit my cheek again.
He stopped in the garage and sat me down on the back of a motorcycle. He grabbed a helmet off of the table and fastened it over my head before putting one of his own on. I was still too far shaken to move as he sat down on the bike and walked it to the door before kick starting it and going off through the trees.
Through the speaker in my helmet, I heard his smooth voice wrap around my mind.
"It looked like you needed out of there. Sorry for the manhandling. Let's go for a ride and get some fresh air before going shopping.” I closed my eyes as James maneuvered the bike, zipping between trees so fast it looked like a video game. “It seems like I owe you a birthday gift since I wasn't made aware until just before dinner. At that point, it was too late to go into the city and return to the house before the time I disturbed your sleeping would be seen as impolite. Your friend, the hulk, is quite protective of you. He's already following us, as is Edward. I need to pick up the speed, so hold on tight. I will keep you safe; I promise."
"Thank you for rescuing me, and I will gladly accept the ride, but a gift isn't necessary, James.”
I felt his laugh more than I heard it.
“You will find that when I want someone, to do something, I mean, I get my way.”
I tightened my arms around James' waist and pressed my cheek against his cold back, using his shoulders as a shield from the wind. He spent the drive to Port Angeles telling me stories of places he's seen and promised to go online later and show me the historic records of him from times past. His voice was like a caramel toffee that melts in your mouth and you know is so bad for your teeth but keep enjoying regardless. He had a smooth purr to his voice that kept me relaxed as the world went by way too fast.
“Aren't you going to complain about the speed?” He laughed as I opened my eyes and closed them again quickly as the road flashed by at an alarming rate.
“Not as long as I keep my eyes closed. I've seen how fast your kind can move. I have a feeling that this is nothing compared to how fast you could run with me. Just please, don't let me turn into paste on the asphalt.”
He slowed the bike down and pulled off on the side of the road and then climbed off and sat backwards, facing me.
“Bella, if for some reason, I couldn't catch you and save you from impact, I would simply change you. After giving several bites where I let my venom seep into your blood stream, your body would heal over three days, perhaps more depending on blood loss, and then you would wake up as one of us. As long as I can keep your heart working during the first few minutes, by opening your chest and squeezing if I had to, you would continue to exist. I'm not one of them. I do not hold human life sacred except for the fact that humans feed and amuse me.”
Cold fingers against my cheek caused me to look up into burgundy eyes. James smiled at me.
“What? They didn't tell you? Carlisle won't change a human unless they specifically ask for it. I would much rather change someone and then destroy the vampire after if they do not want the life. A simple kiss, my teeth grazing across the neck of one of my kind, and I can remove the head and his or her life is over. I work for the Volturi and hunt rogue vampires that are on the run. If anyone drank from you without the Cullens having given permission, or you did not choose to donate, I am the one called to handle the problem.”
His eyes narrowed and then he turned faster than my eyes could follow. “Let's move. I do not wish for my rescue to be interrupted. Hold on.”
I woke up on Edward's couch, the sound of Mozart soothing my nerves. After my first blood draw, where I was simply thankful that I didn't pass out, Jasper had soothed away my nausea and then followed me up to my room and made me rest while Alice brought me a glass of juice and a piece of pumpkin bread.
“Are you feeling better, Bella?”
I turned my head out of the leather to see Edward sitting at the foot of his couch, my feet in his lap. I nodded and turned my face back into the sweetly scented leather. My feet shook as Edward chuckled.
“You did that a lot during your nap; turning your face into the leather, I mean. I hope you don't mind being in here. You were sleeping so peacefully and Jacob was not going to let you rest much longer. I carried you in here so that you would be undisturbed. You slept so deeply that you barely stirred as I lifted you.”
I felt my cheeks color as memories of my dream surfaced. I'd dreamt of Edward carrying me out into an ocean of warm water where we floated under the moonlight before he kissed me and then made love to me on the shore.
“I was probably too heavy for you to lift. Thank you, Edward, for letting me sleep in here. I would not have been pleased if Jake woke me up.”
Edward nodded and then slid out from beneath my feet. He dropped down to his knees and reached beneath the couch with one arm. The other, he gently rested on my forearm. Slowly, the couch began to rise, stopping at Edward's shoulder height and then lowering again.
“Very little is too heavy for me to lift, Bella. Your warmth was... pleasant... as I carried you. You trust me, even in your sleep, far too much.”
While his voice held a chiding tone, his lips and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes showed a broad smile. “You really shouldn't stay out that late, especially with James. Since you are determined to be a donor, you must take care of yourself, and that includes not returning home at three in the morning.”
Edward leaned over me, one arm on the back of the couch, his other hand still resting on me. “I don't want you becoming ill, Bella. Please, be careful.” His bi-polar nature was unsettling me as strongly as his presence. He smiled at me; his teeth were the shade of white that toothpaste companies make millions on as people try to emulate the perfection.
I could feel my breath catch as Edward's nearness evoked a myriad of responses from my body, mostly a sense of being dazed as lust swept through me. His breath drifted over my face and I could feel my entire body relaxing into the cushion, my hips spreading as Edward moved to kneel over me. One leg went between mine, the other foot remained planted on the floor.
“You were wrong yesterday, Bella. I want you to feed me very much. I cannot risk you and even now with the faintest aroma of your blood in the air from your feeding, I want to lower my head and run my teeth across your neck until a small scratch appears. I want to suckle at the wound slowly and savor each pulse of your life force until I have it all. I hate knowing that others will drink your blood; I hate that my singer's blood can never be mine. I hate knowing that my dark weakness will keep me from what I crave most.”
His lips had moved to my ear, whispering huskily as one finger trailed down my neck, showing me where he wanted to drink. Blood rushed through my head, pounding in my ears, and also went to my pussy that soon began to throb with need.
Edward took in a deep breath. “I've read my family's minds. I could smell your scent in here when I came home. You have no idea what that does to me, Bella. I can't do this, but you have no idea how badly I want to.”
I turned my face so that I could look into jet-black eyes. His face tilted slightly, as if trying to come nearer. I moved in the same fashion and our lips were almost touching when the door slammed open, hitting one of the shelves of sheet music. Edward threw himself backwards and then dropped into a crouch as James walked in.
“Esme sent me up to tell you dinner is ready. You were distracted with the little human and didn't hear her thoughts. You can't keep such a beauty locked away in your tower with the big bad dragon to watch over her, Edward. What fun is that for the rest of us?”
James walked in and offered me his hand. “Let's get you fed so we can go out for another ride. Victoria is tired after my last feeding and wants to rest tonight. Besides, I'm still hungry and hope that Carlisle will let me have a taste of your donation.”
After I was on my feet, James wrapped his arm around me and pulled me away from Edward who was standing as still as an angry statue. I turned back to Edward and tried to motion for him to come but James moved faster and had me down the stairs before I could even eek out Edward's name.
Jake was already at the table and taking Edward's lead from the past nights, stood and held out my chair. His arm went around me as James took Alice's normal seat beside me.
“Back off, Tracker. She's not going to bond with you.” Jake's hand began to tremble as he warned off James.
“I'm not bonding with anyone. I think I can make that decision for myself, Jake.”
Jasper and Alice came in from the kitchen bearing platters of roasted chicken and baked sweet potatoes. With a flick of his wrist, Jasper dumped James from Alice's chair and pointed him over to the extra chairs that had been placed opposite them.
“That is my wife's chair, James. A gentleman would not take a lady's seat.” He turned to me and added, “Y'alright, sugar? Don't let the big bad wolf and the little bad vampire fight over you.”
Before I could respond that I was fine, Sam got up from the table and left, going out the side door into the woods. Seth and Jake followed suit, Jake giving me an apologetic look as he went out the door. I'd known for years that Jake would do whatever Sam asked; holding it against him was not worth the fight.
Jasper and Alice held a conversation outside of my hearing range, occasionally looking towards me and then to Edward once he came down. He simply shrugged and then added, so that I could hear, “what will be, will be.”
During dinner, Jessica and Lauren chanced glances at me, their voices low as they spoke to one another. Rose occasionally cleared her throat and gave them a look that said everything I needed to know. Even now, as a donor, they were not going to accept me.
“Even though I didn't want you to become a donor; I am thankful that you made the decision for yourself, Bella. Even more so, I am glad that you still want us as your friends.” Rose gave me a small smile and then returned to making an elaborate swan out of her dinner napkin.
“You know I think you taste good; I'm happy you're a donor as it means I can drink more from you, even if it is from a cup.”
Everyone gave Emmett a small laugh as he and his wife gave me their acceptance into Donation Drive. Carlisle rose and fetched another bottle of white wine for those drinking it and then the small bag of my blood that he had already placed into an “Edward's nose proof” container, as he'd stated. Esme half-filled the goblets with the bear blood Emmett had brought in this morning, and mountain lion for Edward as she'd earlier explained was his favorite. Carlisle stood behind Edward and opened the canister, pouring half of the gathered blood into his cup as I'd asked. If he wouldn't drink directly from me, I could at least give him the bulk of my donated blood.
The room went deathly silent as all eyes landed on me. Edward's eyes seemed to glow in the blackness they took on and he lifted the pewter goblet to his mouth. His tongue snaked across his lips as he smiled at me predatorily.
“Why drink from the cup when the vessel is before me?”
He leapt across the table as Alice screamed.
I quickly used the restroom, running the tap loudly to disguise sounds (I hoped), and then with shaking hands made my way to Alice and Jasper's room. I was standing in front of their door, my heart beating rapidly, when Alice said, “come in,” before I could even knock.
My mind conjured images of Hollywood vampires of old; Nosferatu, Willem Dafoe's Max Schreck, Christopher Lee as Dracula, and then to the gorgeous yet deadly vampires created by Anne Rice. But the Cullens aren't like them, you've seen what they are like, my thoughts overrode the movie stills flashing before my eyes. I focused on the fact that Alice was the same as she had been for the past week, for decades, possibly for centuries.
I was the one who had changed. My mind had made room for these new truths; just as my heart had already created space to care about the Cullens.
Alice was seated cross-legged on her bed, her back up against the headboard. A mesh basket was in her lap. She patted the space beside her, smoothing out a wrinkle in the bedspread as she indicated where I should sit. Her lips curved into a gentle smile as I climbed up onto the bed.
“I'm glad you aren't running down the street screaming.”
“I thought Carlisle and Jasper said you were with Jake...” I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.
“Now that I know about his importance to you, I would not, could not, do that to you, Bella.”
I rested my head on her hard shoulder, my mind now accepting the differences as due to their nature, not to some health anomaly. Alice's arm went around me and I relaxed into her touch, trying to focus on the almost sisterly friendship we had forged.
“You are staying, aren't you, Bella?”
I turned to look at Alice and saw a shimmer cross her eyes as if she was about to cry. I nodded and she held me tightly to her chest and rocked for a moment and then pulled back.
“I can't cry.”
“I...”
“Oh, I saw you were going to ask and I...” She paused for a moment, her eyes focused on the bedspread. “I get visions, Bella. I see the future, or parts of it at least, as people make decisions. There are blind spots, however, surrounding the Quileute for some reason. Due to your closeness with Jake, it makes your presence murky at times. I can see the final results of your future, but not the small things leading up to your decisions.”
“What do you see for me?”
She smiled and looked toward the door. “Edward says I can't tell you; that you have to choose the fate for yourself.”
“Alice, I want in. I want to be a donor. I've already chosen my fate. I want to stay here, as a donor.”
“I know. I've known for a while, but I'd hoped there would be another path. So, I did some shopping, and there are some things we need to go over. You are a human female and that will present some difficulties we've had practice in overcoming through the donor program.”
Alice pulled out a bag of pads, one of tampons, and another box I had never seen before.
“This, obviously is a maxi-pad. You can use them here, but I don't recommend it. The blood your body sheds is dead, but seeing as you are a singer, having the scent of blood constantly permeating the air is not a good idea.” Her lips continued to move but I could not hear her words. Alice gave me a sheepish grin and then spoke to me once more. “Sorry, I was answering a question James had. I'll introduce you to our new guests soon.”
Alice held up the tampon and then shook her head. “I really don't recommend these. Just trust me, please.”
I was confused but nodded. “So what option do I have? I should start my period in the next few days.”
Alice opened up the third box and took out a small plastic cup that tapered down to a short tip. Given the other two items, I knew what it was for, but really hoped she was wrong.
"Bella, this is a Diva Cup. It is used to contain your menstrual blood, after which you can dump the blood into the toilet or sink and rinse the blood away. Bleach is already under your sink for removing any lingering scent. I would recommend opening the bottle first to help disguise the scent of your blood to Edward until we determine how strong his reaction remains."
Alice closed her eyes and scrunched up her face just as Emmett walked by, his eyes on what she held. He walked by but yelled back to us, "Ooh! Shot glass!"
Alice and I both cringed as someone smacked Emmett hard enough that we heard him bellow in pain as he hit the wall. We heard several crashes as he went down the stairs and both went running to see him stretched out on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, his whole body shaking with laughter.
“James, that was fun. You really should try it. Alice, you'll toss him for me, won't you?”
Esme came out from the kitchen and shook her head. “Boys, no destroying the house.” She clucked her tongue as she examined the damage to the staircase. “Emmett, the boards are in the storage shed. Get to work.”
“She said that like it is an everyday occurrence,” I whispered to Alice.
“Oh, it is whenever James is around. It's even worse when Jasper and James get into it. I'll tell you that story later.”
James turned and held out his hand. “James Williams, pleased to make your acquaintance.” When I reached to shake his hand, he quickly lifted it to his face, kissed the back of my hand and then turned to sniff my wrist. “Very pleased,” he purred out.
A growl coming from behind James caught all of our attention. Jasper and Edward were coming down the stairs, twin growls as they looked at James who was slowly inching closer to me, interposing himself between me and the angry vampires. Jasper had a hand on Edward's chest, pushing him backwards toward the stairwell to the third floor.
“Hands off, James. She's not part of the program, besides, you have your donor.” Jasper's eyes were darkening and I could see him drop into a crouch as he spoke.
“My mistake, I thought I heard her say she was a donor.”
“I was just taking her to sign the contract, James.” Alice brushed his hand off of me and half-carried me down the hall to Carlisle's office. We had to brush by the boys to get to Carlisle's study. Edward's eyes pleaded with me, the pain was evident, although I couldn't tell if he was pleading for me to be a donor or to leave. Both were written all over his face.
Carlisle was already sitting at the desk, one of the chairs pulled up so that I could sit across from him. Two slips of paper, a small flat box, and a pen sat before him.
“You're sure about this, Bella?”
I nodded.
“Then let the paperwork begin.”
I filled out two pages of information and when only my signature remained, Carlisle pulled out a small pen like device I'd seen Billy use repeatedly during my years of knowing him.
“My blood sugar is fine, Carlisle.”
“I am well aware of that. But, I need to procure just a drop of your blood before I can finalize your welcome into the donation program.”
I held out my hand and Carlisle pressed the pen against the tip of my thumb. The pain was momentary and Carlisle quickly wiped his finger across the blood welling up and then stuck it in his mouth.
“No anomalies, iron content is good. I'll have you start on a high-protein and iron diet along with full spectrum vitamins so that we can help slow anemic tendencies. You also need to maintain adequate fluid intake. Please minimize the use of carbonated beverages and of course, we do not allow smoking by our donors but I do not believe that is an issue for you.”
“When...” was all I could answer before Alice interrupted.
“Tomorrow afternoon, right after lunch. Carlisle has to drive into town to obtain more syringes in the morning.”
Carlisle let out a small laugh. “She'll be unstoppable now, Bella. We have enjoyed the past week when Alice has had to pretend to be human and not anticipate everyone's needs.”
Carlisle nudged the box over to me. “We normally have to wait a week or more to have one issued from the Volturi. Alice however, saw you coming and we had a blank requested. I carved it myself just moments before you returned to my office. I heard you tell Alice you wanted in and knew it was time.”
I opened the box to reveal a bracelet, gently curved, that had an odd set of marks on either side, and in the center were two crests- one I had not seen before and the other was set into the Cullen's door.
“The crest on the left belongs to the Volturi and is a mark of protection. If you happen to be traveling away from our home and come across any other vampires, this crest and accompanying words in the language ancient to all but the eldest of our kind, state that you cannot be bitten or otherwise harmed under penalty of the offender's final death.
“Our crest, that of my family going back for decades, marks that you belong to us.” Carlisle held up his hand. “I'm not saying that you are our property and have no choice in your future. At any time you may leave and if you do become a bonded donor, you can end that relationship at any point you so desire. You and your host will individually determine a set of safety words so that if you feel too much is being taken you can try to make him stop.”
“Doesn't Edward want my blood? I thought I could donate for him.” I wanted to feed him; I had to. I have to make Edward stop hurting.
“He has stated that he will not take a donor. I will not challenge his decision. If at any point he decides otherwise, he will offer a bonding gift. If you accept, he will drink directly from your vein, and we'll finalize the paperwork immediately.”
“I thought he wanted... After earlier, I was certain...”
Both Carlisle and Alice looked to the door. Carlisle was the first to speak up. “Edward would have me say...”
“Edward can tell me himself or he can shove his thoughts up his ass.”
Carlisle coughed lightly, his eyes sparkling. “You certainly are a fiery one, Bella. If you are still certain you wish to be a donor, your signature will complete our transaction and along with your daily needs being met here at the center, we will set up the paperwork to have money directly deposited into your bank account. I will need to contact your father, as the police chief, and let him know that you have joined our program.”
I could feel myself visibly pale. “We can't leave that part out?” I was angry with Charlie for lying to me, I was angry with a lot of the situation that brought me to this moment; but I had finally made a decision on my own and was going to stick to it. I was just sick to my stomach at the thought of my father finding out what I was doing, and secondly the small amount of blood I'd had to look at during the “test” had made me nauseous.
“I'm afraid not, Bella. Your father, however, is a reasonable man, and once you have signed the contract, he cannot go against it. Do you sign of your own free-will? You can remain here, as our guest, if you choose to decline.”
I picked up the pen and signed away my life's blood. Even if he didn't want my blood, I could help the rest of the family. I could perhaps save Jake being fed from once a week or so. I would be able to make enough money to send some to Eric for the rent he was having to pay on his own.
“Carlisle, can I give you two bank accounts to split the money between, if it isn't too much trouble?”
“That should be no problem. Which secondary account would you like?”
I pulled my wallet out and grabbed the check Eric had made me take from our joint account in case of emergency. I wrote down the routing number.
“Oh, Mister Yorkie is already on our payroll. His father was one of our donors until his death. We are still paying his listed next of kin, Eric, the agreed upon sum from the contract even though the death was through no fault of ours.”
The panic attack I'd avoided earlier came crashing down over me as my world became considerably smaller. Eric knew what they were. The last thing I heard as the darkness began to swirl and the floor rose up to meet me was Alice yelling for Jasper.
~*~
I awoke near dusk, the sky was beginning to darken and melon shaded glow was lighting up the window of my room. My back was sweating from heat and I could feel Jake's arm over me, the smell of his shampoo and soap filled my nose. A part of my brain nagged at me with the thought, at least he washed off Rosalie first.
“I know you're awake, Bells. Your breathing changed.”
Jake released me and sat up on the bed. With fear building in my chest, I turned to look at my former lover. His jaw was tensed, cheeks hallowed from biting the inside flesh, and his eyes were hard. I swallowed and attempted to ask what was wrong.
“You aren't supposed to be a donor, Bella! I donate every fucking day so that people like you don't do this.”
I used his shoulders to pull myself into a seated position. “Jake, I want to. I can do this. I can give my blood to help them. I can help Edward. I'm his singer, Jake.”
“No. You're quitting now.”
My cheeks burned with my anger and I tried to repress it, I really did. My temper won out and I slid out of bed and began tearing at my hair in frustration.
“Jake, you don't have the right to tell me what to do. You have even less of a right now than you did when we were together. I'm my own person; I can choose what to do with my life. Why don't you just get out of my room? Go back to yours.”
He stood up to his full height, easily towering over me as he rested his hands on my shoulders. “I'm not going to watch you lose your life, Bells. Choose something else. Do anything else but this. You could be hurt.”
“So could you!” I retorted.
His head began to shake almost violently. “No, I can't, Bella. I will be fine. Those leeches could kill you and I can't always be there to save you. This is no place for you.”
Since Jake wouldn't budge, I left and went to his room, not wanting to defile my private space with this argument.
“Then, leave with me.” Even as I said the words, I knew I couldn't leave Edward behind. The pain in his eyes ate at me. I would help him; I would give him my blood.
“I can't, Bells; you know that. My dad needs this money.”
We both let out deep heart-felt sighs. “I'm staying, Jake. Please don't make this hard on me. It's my decision.”
“Just get out, Bella. I can tell that you won't listen to reason. I'll see you at dinner when I've calmed down a bit. Go enjoy your birthday dinner.”
I ran for the stairs and then remembering that the Cullens would hear me regardless, I slowed down and tried to calm my body and thoughts. I was almost composed by the time I reached the table.
Edward stood at my chair and pulled it out for me before disappearing into the kitchen to bring out dinner. There were no plates out for the vampires, only the humans. Apparently, now that I was in the know, they would stop pretending all around.
Edward served my dinner and then went to the kitchen to bring out the wine and glasses. Before I could thank him for the glass of Merlot he sat in front of me, he had twirled away, seating himself at the piano across the room. Edward played the most beautiful song, his face at peace with eyes closed, as the song came from memory.
The other solid food eaters were already digging into the roast I'd put in the oven earlier. I had wanted to wait for Edward but Carlisle and Esme both indicated I should eat my dinner. Edward opened one eye and gave me a small smile before nodding.
The roast had not burned during my unplanned nap and I was able to focus on it before Esme brought out the Cullens' goblets. Jake came down at last, and he made himself a plate before sitting beside me. He was stiffly silent, his body radiating tension as he ate.
“Jake, talk to me.”
He let out a sound that was more “harrumph” than a real response.
“Forget about him, Bella. Jake's just being a sourpuss,” Emmett interjected. “Just focus on the fact that there is a huge cake in the kitchen with your name on it, and tomorrow night, we'll be drinking eau de Bella.”
“No, you won't. She's not going to be a donor.” Jake slammed his fists down on the table and wood splintered at the edges.
“I agree with Jacob. Bella should not be in the program. It is far too dangerous.” Edward stopped playing the piano and stood up from the bench. “She should never have come here in the first place.”
I refused to cry angry tears during my birthday dinner. “It is my decision to make. I choose to be a donor. I have already signed the paperwork. Neither of you have the ability to change my mind.”
“I can carry you out of here while you can kick and scream, Bells. That's what I can do.”
Jake moved for me but I found myself almost flying in the opposite direction as the world turned upside down. Wind rushed by and then after a sudden jarring and thud, something tickled my cheek. When I opened my eyes again, I saw a rather nicely shaped ass beneath black denim, the heels of boots showing beneath the hem. The ground moved by at a rapid rate, and turning my neck, I saw James' long blond ponytail bounce and hit my cheek again.
He stopped in the garage and sat me down on the back of a motorcycle. He grabbed a helmet off of the table and fastened it over my head before putting one of his own on. I was still too far shaken to move as he sat down on the bike and walked it to the door before kick starting it and going off through the trees.
Through the speaker in my helmet, I heard his smooth voice wrap around my mind.
"It looked like you needed out of there. Sorry for the manhandling. Let's go for a ride and get some fresh air before going shopping.” I closed my eyes as James maneuvered the bike, zipping between trees so fast it looked like a video game. “It seems like I owe you a birthday gift since I wasn't made aware until just before dinner. At that point, it was too late to go into the city and return to the house before the time I disturbed your sleeping would be seen as impolite. Your friend, the hulk, is quite protective of you. He's already following us, as is Edward. I need to pick up the speed, so hold on tight. I will keep you safe; I promise."
"Thank you for rescuing me, and I will gladly accept the ride, but a gift isn't necessary, James.”
I felt his laugh more than I heard it.
“You will find that when I want someone, to do something, I mean, I get my way.”
I tightened my arms around James' waist and pressed my cheek against his cold back, using his shoulders as a shield from the wind. He spent the drive to Port Angeles telling me stories of places he's seen and promised to go online later and show me the historic records of him from times past. His voice was like a caramel toffee that melts in your mouth and you know is so bad for your teeth but keep enjoying regardless. He had a smooth purr to his voice that kept me relaxed as the world went by way too fast.
“Aren't you going to complain about the speed?” He laughed as I opened my eyes and closed them again quickly as the road flashed by at an alarming rate.
“Not as long as I keep my eyes closed. I've seen how fast your kind can move. I have a feeling that this is nothing compared to how fast you could run with me. Just please, don't let me turn into paste on the asphalt.”
He slowed the bike down and pulled off on the side of the road and then climbed off and sat backwards, facing me.
“Bella, if for some reason, I couldn't catch you and save you from impact, I would simply change you. After giving several bites where I let my venom seep into your blood stream, your body would heal over three days, perhaps more depending on blood loss, and then you would wake up as one of us. As long as I can keep your heart working during the first few minutes, by opening your chest and squeezing if I had to, you would continue to exist. I'm not one of them. I do not hold human life sacred except for the fact that humans feed and amuse me.”
Cold fingers against my cheek caused me to look up into burgundy eyes. James smiled at me.
“What? They didn't tell you? Carlisle won't change a human unless they specifically ask for it. I would much rather change someone and then destroy the vampire after if they do not want the life. A simple kiss, my teeth grazing across the neck of one of my kind, and I can remove the head and his or her life is over. I work for the Volturi and hunt rogue vampires that are on the run. If anyone drank from you without the Cullens having given permission, or you did not choose to donate, I am the one called to handle the problem.”
His eyes narrowed and then he turned faster than my eyes could follow. “Let's move. I do not wish for my rescue to be interrupted. Hold on.”
I woke up on Edward's couch, the sound of Mozart soothing my nerves. After my first blood draw, where I was simply thankful that I didn't pass out, Jasper had soothed away my nausea and then followed me up to my room and made me rest while Alice brought me a glass of juice and a piece of pumpkin bread.
“Are you feeling better, Bella?”
I turned my head out of the leather to see Edward sitting at the foot of his couch, my feet in his lap. I nodded and turned my face back into the sweetly scented leather. My feet shook as Edward chuckled.
“You did that a lot during your nap; turning your face into the leather, I mean. I hope you don't mind being in here. You were sleeping so peacefully and Jacob was not going to let you rest much longer. I carried you in here so that you would be undisturbed. You slept so deeply that you barely stirred as I lifted you.”
I felt my cheeks color as memories of my dream surfaced. I'd dreamt of Edward carrying me out into an ocean of warm water where we floated under the moonlight before he kissed me and then made love to me on the shore.
“I was probably too heavy for you to lift. Thank you, Edward, for letting me sleep in here. I would not have been pleased if Jake woke me up.”
Edward nodded and then slid out from beneath my feet. He dropped down to his knees and reached beneath the couch with one arm. The other, he gently rested on my forearm. Slowly, the couch began to rise, stopping at Edward's shoulder height and then lowering again.
“Very little is too heavy for me to lift, Bella. Your warmth was... pleasant... as I carried you. You trust me, even in your sleep, far too much.”
While his voice held a chiding tone, his lips and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes showed a broad smile. “You really shouldn't stay out that late, especially with James. Since you are determined to be a donor, you must take care of yourself, and that includes not returning home at three in the morning.”
Edward leaned over me, one arm on the back of the couch, his other hand still resting on me. “I don't want you becoming ill, Bella. Please, be careful.” His bi-polar nature was unsettling me as strongly as his presence. He smiled at me; his teeth were the shade of white that toothpaste companies make millions on as people try to emulate the perfection.
I could feel my breath catch as Edward's nearness evoked a myriad of responses from my body, mostly a sense of being dazed as lust swept through me. His breath drifted over my face and I could feel my entire body relaxing into the cushion, my hips spreading as Edward moved to kneel over me. One leg went between mine, the other foot remained planted on the floor.
“You were wrong yesterday, Bella. I want you to feed me very much. I cannot risk you and even now with the faintest aroma of your blood in the air from your feeding, I want to lower my head and run my teeth across your neck until a small scratch appears. I want to suckle at the wound slowly and savor each pulse of your life force until I have it all. I hate knowing that others will drink your blood; I hate that my singer's blood can never be mine. I hate knowing that my dark weakness will keep me from what I crave most.”
His lips had moved to my ear, whispering huskily as one finger trailed down my neck, showing me where he wanted to drink. Blood rushed through my head, pounding in my ears, and also went to my pussy that soon began to throb with need.
Edward took in a deep breath. “I've read my family's minds. I could smell your scent in here when I came home. You have no idea what that does to me, Bella. I can't do this, but you have no idea how badly I want to.”
I turned my face so that I could look into jet-black eyes. His face tilted slightly, as if trying to come nearer. I moved in the same fashion and our lips were almost touching when the door slammed open, hitting one of the shelves of sheet music. Edward threw himself backwards and then dropped into a crouch as James walked in.
“Esme sent me up to tell you dinner is ready. You were distracted with the little human and didn't hear her thoughts. You can't keep such a beauty locked away in your tower with the big bad dragon to watch over her, Edward. What fun is that for the rest of us?”
James walked in and offered me his hand. “Let's get you fed so we can go out for another ride. Victoria is tired after my last feeding and wants to rest tonight. Besides, I'm still hungry and hope that Carlisle will let me have a taste of your donation.”
After I was on my feet, James wrapped his arm around me and pulled me away from Edward who was standing as still as an angry statue. I turned back to Edward and tried to motion for him to come but James moved faster and had me down the stairs before I could even eek out Edward's name.
Jake was already at the table and taking Edward's lead from the past nights, stood and held out my chair. His arm went around me as James took Alice's normal seat beside me.
“Back off, Tracker. She's not going to bond with you.” Jake's hand began to tremble as he warned off James.
“I'm not bonding with anyone. I think I can make that decision for myself, Jake.”
Jasper and Alice came in from the kitchen bearing platters of roasted chicken and baked sweet potatoes. With a flick of his wrist, Jasper dumped James from Alice's chair and pointed him over to the extra chairs that had been placed opposite them.
“That is my wife's chair, James. A gentleman would not take a lady's seat.” He turned to me and added, “Y'alright, sugar? Don't let the big bad wolf and the little bad vampire fight over you.”
Before I could respond that I was fine, Sam got up from the table and left, going out the side door into the woods. Seth and Jake followed suit, Jake giving me an apologetic look as he went out the door. I'd known for years that Jake would do whatever Sam asked; holding it against him was not worth the fight.
Jasper and Alice held a conversation outside of my hearing range, occasionally looking towards me and then to Edward once he came down. He simply shrugged and then added, so that I could hear, “what will be, will be.”
During dinner, Jessica and Lauren chanced glances at me, their voices low as they spoke to one another. Rose occasionally cleared her throat and gave them a look that said everything I needed to know. Even now, as a donor, they were not going to accept me.
“Even though I didn't want you to become a donor; I am thankful that you made the decision for yourself, Bella. Even more so, I am glad that you still want us as your friends.” Rose gave me a small smile and then returned to making an elaborate swan out of her dinner napkin.
“You know I think you taste good; I'm happy you're a donor as it means I can drink more from you, even if it is from a cup.”
Everyone gave Emmett a small laugh as he and his wife gave me their acceptance into Donation Drive. Carlisle rose and fetched another bottle of white wine for those drinking it and then the small bag of my blood that he had already placed into an “Edward's nose proof” container, as he'd stated. Esme half-filled the goblets with the bear blood Emmett had brought in this morning, and mountain lion for Edward as she'd earlier explained was his favorite. Carlisle stood behind Edward and opened the canister, pouring half of the gathered blood into his cup as I'd asked. If he wouldn't drink directly from me, I could at least give him the bulk of my donated blood.
The room went deathly silent as all eyes landed on me. Edward's eyes seemed to glow in the blackness they took on and he lifted the pewter goblet to his mouth. His tongue snaked across his lips as he smiled at me predatorily.
“Why drink from the cup when the vessel is before me?”
He leapt across the table as Alice screamed.
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