Donation Drive Chapter One BPOV

The letter crinkled in my hand as I read Billy's note for the fourth time on my flight. We had only been in the air for forty-five minutes the first time I reopened it. The plane was roughly halfway through its flight to Seattle by the fourth reading and I was pretty certain the little old lady next to me wasn't going to let me read it a fifth time without poking her nose where it didn't belong. I knew the words, even the ink smudges, by heart.

I left everything behind for this letter; my job, my truck, my apartment, and my boyfriend. When I showed Eric the note last night, he gave the sigh of a defeated man.

“When are you coming back?” he asked, pulling my suitcase from its place beneath the bed. “Are you coming back, Bella?”

I went into our walk in closet and pulled out jeans and long sleeved shirts from the milk crates filled with “Washington” clothes. “I don't know, Eric. I'm between jobs right now. I've already talked to Charlie. He said I can stay with him and Sue. As long as Jake needs me, I have to be there.”

My bravado was slipping, I could hear the pain of the unspoken words between us. I grabbed one of Eric's Husky sweatshirts, needing something of his.

“This is it then, isn't it?” Eric came up behind me, his arms wrapped around just beneath my breasts. I looked down, watching as my tears landed on the binary code tattoos wrapping around his wrists. My silent tears turned into shaking sobs as my boyfriend of two years lifted me up into his arms.

“My contract is up in ten days, I can be out there that night. I can find someone to sublease the apartment until we can come back.”

I shook my head, rubbing my tears into his shirt.

“No, Eric. Your family is here. All of your friends are here. You uprooted for me once already, don't do it again.”

He had started crying at this point. “Then don't go, B. I love you. You love me. We work.”

“I have to go, Eric; and that's why you and I can't make it forever. He's my best friend. If Jake needs me, I will be there.”

“Marry me.”

I laughed through my tears. “No, Eric. Never in response to something like this. I love you, but no. It has been a good two years, but we're both too young to settle down. I'm twenty two; I'm definitely not ready to consider marriage right now. I was engaged to Jake and that was a mistake, a mistake I'm not going to make again.”

I climbed off the bed, leaving the past two years of my life behind. “I love you, Eric. But I have to do this. What he needs may take longer than you're willing to wait. I love you enough to want you to not wait for me. Eric, it could take a day, it could take a year. You can't abandon your mom and sisters. They moved here after your dad died, to be near you. The city has already talked of hiring you on once the contract was up. Take their offer.”

He took a stack of clothes from me, zipping my suitcase closed after it was full. I wiped my tears onto the back of my hand, mascara smudging up to my wrist, as he left the room.

Eric and I hadn't said another word to one another until this morning when he dropped me off at the airport. He'd made my flight reservations on the computer, left the printouts in our bedroom, and he slept on the pull out couch in his office.

I sent an email to Sue, letting her know I was accepting Charlie's offer of a place to stay, and that I wasn't exactly sure when I'd arrive. My first priority was Jake. It has always been Jake, even after he left me.

We grew up together. I had spent summers with Charlie in Forks and he and Billy had thrown Jake and I together while they went fishing. Through trips of catching tadpoles together, to our first kiss when I was sixteen, Jake had been my best friend. Even when he walked out of the tiny efficient apartment we shared off campus in Seattle, I had put him first.

“Let's get this over with.” His face was pained as he spoke, but the words came out as a hiss.

“Who is she?”

Jake had spent the past few weeks on the Res, avoiding my calls. He'd been changing in the months leading up to his time away; his body grew impossibly large, and he had grown short-tempered, a far cry from his easy going nature. His head shook, his hands going up to pull at the newly shorn locks. Jake's hair had been down to his waist before, now it was barely two inches long all over.

“It isn't what you think. But, I can't tell you, Bells. It has to be over. That's it. I'm not good, not like I was. Good bye.”

If Jake needed to be away from me, I would give him the space he needed. I loved him enough to want what he did. We didn't speak for the better part of a year after our break up. I had packed up that night, putting my clothes, the futon we used as a couch, and my toiletries into the back of my pickup. With a call to Charlie to let him know that Jake had left me, I was leaving the key with the landlord, and to let Jake know the apartment was his, I drove to Florida.

I had my degree in Women's Studies with a minor in Journalism from U Dub, finished online and through a few classes in Jacksonville, and thanks to Renee's ability to talk to anyone, she found me a temporary job at a local organic co-op working on their magazine, focusing on a women's health recurring segment. It was because of the magazine that Eric came back into my life.

After high school in Forks, Eric went on to get his degree in Computer Science. Given my technical difficulties, I had asked him for help via our weekly email when I was stumped. The high school group had tried to keep in touch after graduation, maintaining a weekly email rotation so that we all were in the loop, so to speak. That night, Eric called to walk me through my troubles with Photoshop, and it was nice. It seemed that I was finally coming out of the dark bubble I'd locked myself into after Jake left me.

He called again the next night and we'd talked on our cell phones as we went to a similar chain restaurant, him in Seattle, me in Jacksonville. One long-distance date turned into another. When the co-op hired me on full-time, Eric was the person I called first. Eric preferred the higher pay and different job skills needed by being a contracted computer programmer, and I cheered him on through each interview and contract he received. His flexible life worked well when our friendship turned into more and he moved to Florida, moving into an apartment down the hall from me. After a year of dating, we moved in together. Another year later, and I moved out, this time taking only my necessary clothing. I would have to go back eventually for the rest of my belongings.

Eric was there when Jake called me for the first time after our break up. By some unspoken agreement, Jake and I had not spoken of our relationship, just where we currently were at and what we were doing. He told me that Billy's diabetes was worse and he'd had to have additional surgery on his legs. Only his whispered, “I love you, Bells,” had given me any inkling that he was hurting or missed me.

I'd told Jake about Eric, saving that discussion for a time when Eric was not around. Jake had not taken the news well. He hung up on me, called back an hour later, calmly offered an apology and requested we change the topic. I resented the fact that he no longer wanted me but felt he could control who I was with. I told him as such and he threw several other women in my face.

He flew out to see me on my birthday, an unexpected trip which had pissed off Eric to no end. They had practically circled around me like I was fresh meat. Finally, Eric had taken off for his mom's, saying he didn't want to be the third wheel.

Even though Jake and I had resolved nothing, I was glad to have my best friend back. He'd apologized for leaving, I told him I did not accept, and would not until he told me why he'd left. He told me some secrets were deeper than his love for me and that it was the only thing stronger than the pull he felt to me in the world.

We'd parted in tears, swearing to be friends without this guilt over our heads as we could make no headway until he was willing to share what had forced us apart. We were destined to only be friends, and we would make the best of friends. We kept to our vow until three months ago when Jake stopped returning my calls as often, calling at odd hours of the day, and even then he preferred to text instead of call. Then they stopped two weeks ago. I'd called the phone number he'd given me in case of an emergency. A girl answered the phone, her voice ringing almost as clearly as a bell. She'd giggled when I asked for Jake, saying he was busy.

I hadn't called back. I wanted to tell Billy that Jake was just involved with a new girl at last, but the scars worried me. Whether it was drugs or something else self-destructive, I did not want to have any regrets; I had to make sure Jake was alright if it was within my power to do so.

~*~

“Is that letter from your boy, honey?” I'd made it five hours before the woman had to ask.

“From my friend's father.”

I tucked the letter into my laptop bag and looked out the window, hoping it would end the conversation. The photo of Jake and me from our engagement party had fallen onto the floor, and my seat mate's claw like fingers snatched it up.

“He's so handsome, like my Robbie was. Are you going to see him or going away?”

I shrugged her off, pulling out my iPod. As I did, a cd came out, attached by a hair-tie. On it, in Eric's precisely printed letters were “Play me.”

I took my laptop out and started it up, tucking the cd into the tray as soon as the system came up. I plugged my ear buds into the headphone outlet, not wanting to miss any part of what he'd sent. Eric's face came up, obviously from his web cam.

“Bella, I love you. I didn't sleep last night; I wanted to make this for you. You're taking the past two years with you. I want you to remember them all. Come back to me.”

Some of our favorite songs played in the background and photos displayed on the screen. Everything from scanned in items, like cinema ticket stubs and meal receipts, to photographs of our favorite places, was in there. Eric had done a voice-over, talking about his memories of us being together. At the end, there was a picture of Jake and me, one Eric had taken when Jake stayed with us, and then one of Eric and me that Jake had taken.

“Go help him, B. Get the closure you need, so that you can smile at me the way you do for him. I love you.”

I paused the movie, not wanting to hear the last part of the message, this was enough. I gently stroked the image on my laptop, Eric's smooth cheeks and the warm smile he was quick to wear. “I'm sorry, Eric,” I whispered, closing the computer and tucking it back into my bag. The world beneath us seemed to be cut into neat little parcels, each clearly delineated. Why couldn't my life be so tidy?

I have an ex-fiance I am still hung up on, who left me three years ago. I have a wonderful boyfriend who just doesn't excite me and take me on “grand adventures” the way Jake and I used to just pick up and go exploring for a weekend. Eric and I were in a rut, a comfortable and very content one, but a rut nonetheless. On Saturdays, he'd play his video games, and I'd go searching for a new art exhibit or a class to take. We weren't growing as a couple.

Maybe I just jumped at this letter from Billy, using it as an excuse to escape what would not work in the long term. Or maybe I am scared of commitment now. I don't know. All I can do is brace myself and be ready for the adventure.

~*~

I turned the letter over and examined the address Billy had given me. To me, it looked normal, but apparently to the taxi driver it was some exotic place. He had tensed when I told him where I was going, a faint shiver had gone down his spine.

“You stayin' there long, Miss?”

I shrugged when I saw him eyeing me through the mirror. “My friend lives there. I'm going to see him. I am not sure how long I am welcome for. My family is in town if I need to go elsewhere.”

“That's good. That's good. I've heard it isn't a nice place to stay for young things like yourself.”

The rest of our ride went in silence. This driver had picked me up in Port Angeles; the first cab had taken me as far as he could go, and I paid him the fee, accepting a list of companies that could pick up out this far and take me the half hour or so to Forks. I had bought myself lunch and called Charlie to let him know I was in Washington. He offered to come get me, but I declined. I needed to see Jake first. If I arrived with one of our fathers, he would be put off that I didn't do it on my own.

I called a taxi and sat waiting on a bench in the slight mist that often hung in the air. I was accustomed to humidity from living in Florida, but this cool mist was much easier to breathe. My lungs pulled it in like it was home. Perhaps, in many ways it is. This was the first air I breathed; my body thinks of it as natural and all others as a variation.

He checked his GPS and turned off into the woods, a gravel path appearing out of nowhere. I would have missed it, even with the satellite guided directions. We drove for what had to be at least a mile before pulling up in front of the most impressive home I have ever seen.

It was a juxtaposition of old and new, exquisitely recreated to have less impact on the environment. The home was beautiful. I could not imagine anything but posh wine tastings and elegant parties occurring here.

I slid across the seat and got out, taking my suitcase from the driver and shouldering my laptop case with the spare change of clothes stuffed inside the back pocket.

“There you go, Miss. That will be thirty five dollars.”

“I've got it. She's a guest of our home. Keep the change.”

A boy, probably just starting college, had appeared from no where. I started to protest as money changed hands, but the boy turned and gave me a crooked smile.

I looked at him, really looked at him. I'd seen that face once before and only for a few minutes, but it had haunted my dreams for five years. He hadn't changed at all since the morning I arrived in Forks. They had left by second period in a flutter of spring jackets. Only the sound of the outside door closing had identified their passing out of my life. Now, it was the sound of a car pulling away that signaled my entering into their life.

He was still the most beautiful person I have ever seen.