Snapshots of Polyamory Epilogue: Building an Album

Building an Album 2 years later April, 2011

“You are sure this is what you want?”
The four of us glared at J. Jenks until he relented and let us sign the final papers. We now had Power of Attorney, as well as Medical PoA, for one another. Bella and I were named legal guardians of Cara, Kailey, Chase, and Abigail Rose should they require it, as Bella and I named Emmett and Rosalie guardians of Anthony Charles, our little bundle of joy who arrived three months ago.
Our loft was on the market and we bought an adjoining piece of property to Rosalie and Emmett's. Esme had her crew out to build it; the walls were mostly in place. Bella had found a new position at the Waldorf school in Milwaukee and I was actually teaching private piano lessons as well as music history at UWM. We put the wheels in motion for this shortly after Bella and I discovered we were pregnant with our son.
Bella and I had just left the sonographer's office, ultrasound images in hand, and were on our way home to call Emmett and Rosalie. Bella immediately collapsed on the couch and I settled into my chair, phone ready to be dialed. She looked over at me, an odd expression on her face.
“Edward, I don't want to live apart from them anymore. Maybe it is just the hormones or maybe it is just me finally deciding that I am ready. I want to move near Milwaukee.”
I checked my watch and saw that Rosalie would not be home for another hour. I quickly packed sandwiches and some carrot sticks into a cooler bag and then coaxed Bella into putting her shoes back on. We ended up at Emm and Rose's just after they had finished dinner.
Subtlety was not my strong point that night. “We want to move to Milwaukee. We love you, we want to live here near the five, err six of you” My eyes flitted to Rose's baby bump. “Do you think you can handle having us live closer? Oh, and by the way, we're having a baby.”
Bella's eyes shone with happy tears, our hands clasped together, as we faced our future. She looked to Rose and Emmett, adding a condition to our situation. “I want us to get married, not legally, but in sacred space. I want this to be permanent.”
“Bella, are you proposing to me?” Emmett's face was split nearly in half with his grin.
Rose smacked him in the arm. “She's proposing to us, you big oaf.” Her arms went around both of us, her back arched so that we could hug without squashing her stomach.
That very night we began planning out our future. Rosalie had a good head for law and began researching our options. Emmett contacted a farmer with land backing up to the McCarty's property and we had a parcel split off of it. The four of us worked with Esme to draw up plans for Bella's and my new home.
We left Jenks' office, several envelopes in hand, and returned home. Home was currently Emmett and Rose's house. They did not see the point in us rearranging our loft to make a nursery when they still had Abby's set up. TC, Emmett had shortened Anthony to Tony and then to T for Tony and C for Charles, would not know the difference between a brown and pink room versus the blue and gold one I had planned for him until well after he was in the nursery at our neighboring home.
Jasper's pickup was nestled in beside the Jeep, and I barely had the car stopped when four bodies came spilling out of the truck. Jasper was holding Rhiannon, the ultimate Daddy's girl. She'll be two this summer and is going to be one of the “flower faeries” at our hand-fasting.
We are finally making our relationship spiritually official to our community by going back to where it all began. At this year's PSG, we'll be hand-fasted in the childcare center. It is not a conventional ritual space, but we cannot imagine a better place for our nuptials.
Last summer, we went to PSG despite Bella's morning sickness. We set up our tent next to childcare, behind Rose and Emm's pop-up, helped coordinate the center, and otherwise be glorified babysitters so that other parents could have some child free time at the festival. One night while camping, we exchanged rings, giving our vows in private, just the four of us, while our children, for we truly count Emmett and Rose's children as our own after the time together, slept soundly in their beds.
After Alice climbed down, Maria slid out from the cab. She ran for Bella who was getting TC out of the back. Her hair was still cut short, yet her face seemed more relaxed than it had in the previous years we had known her. She was finally home for good.
Maria had met Emmett and Rose when she was home on leave roughly eighteen months ago. Having all of our close friends within driving distance, everyone being happy, was enough to make my heart soar. Rose looked on with amusement as Maria practically lifted Bella off the ground in a hug. Rose went around back and finished unhooking TC from his car seat before bringing him over to me, her nose wrinkled as she came closer.
“Here, Daddy. Someone needs a diaper change.”
I did not even bother asking her to do it. We would have our same argument that I had missed out on their first three, so I still have some diapers to make up on before she will help when I am available. Rose backs down from no chance at busting my balls, but she is also the first to hand me a cup of coffee and give me a shoulder rub when I have had a rough day at school and am up late grading papers.
Bella has absolutely blossomed as a mother. There is a bounce in her step, despite our sleepless nights, that was not there before. The school had no problem letting her off for the entire semester after her blood pressure increased and our OB suggested she start her maternity leave early. TC will be around eight months old before he is handed off to Emmett from eight until noon each day. As hard as I know it will be for Bella to leave our son for even a few hours, we could not ask for a better caregiver. Emmett looks after TC as if he is one of his own, which I guess is only right given our relationship.
Cara, and Kailey refer to Bella and I as Aunt and Uncle. To Chase and Abby Rose we're Mom and Dad, even though we never asked nor encouraged it. The names just happened and after several hours of talking amongst ourselves, a phone call to Irina to ensure we weren't going to cause any overt problems since they knew who their “real” parents were, we gave in and allowed the children to name us as they saw fit.
Chase had some issues when he started second grade last year. Rose had just given birth and was still in the hospital. Seeing as the school had me listed as a guardian in his parents' absence, I went in. Calling me “Dad” ostracized him, to a degree, with his classmates, many of whom did not have one father in their daily life, let alone two. Chase however, saw it as a blessing he was happy to brag about. In turn, Emmett taught him how to block a punch. I worked with him on how to run very quickly without tripping over his own feet.
Jasper came over to our gathering holding a large envelope tucked under one arm. He handed Rhiannon off to Alice and then began spinning the envelope by two of the corner points. Jasper looked like the cat who caught the canary.
“So, this was in your mailbox at home. I was talking to Marcus about the anthology on polyamory that Volturi Brothers Publishing was sending out contracts on. He told me that I might want to pick up your mail and bring it today.”
Bella reached forward to grab the envelope but he held it up overhead, easily out of her reach. He forgot about Emmett who plucked it from his hands without stretching. Emmett handed it to Bella who opened it, her smile growing as she read each line.
“I'm. Getting. Published! They picked Snapshots!”
Emmett and Bella had taken a photography class together while she was pregnant. There were thousands of photos from our daily life. We mixed those shot during their class with photos we had taken in our three years together and made a time line of our relationship. I had written my memories of those days and Bella then turned them into a story.
Several were literally lying on the floor for weeks as she and Emmett worked on editing and printing the photos from our new computer. They chose the seven moments which truly defined our relationship and submitted them under the title Snapshots of Polyamory. The seven photos are put together in a row in the hallway here. One of my favorite stories Bella left on on the cutting room floor was a several page note from Rosalie about the first time she and Bella made love without Emmett or me present.
The image was taken from over Bella's head, the camera haphazardly balanced on the headboard while Rose's chin was resting on Bella's stomach. Nothing was visible except the flat plane of Bella's abdomen, Rosalie's face- softened by her lust, with a sensuous smile upon her lips. The photo was in black and white although Bella had gone in and restored color to Rosalie's eyes. We have a copy of it framed in the bedroom here, a second printed for our bedroom when the house is ready.
Our lives were coming together in a new way, one I had never expected. It all began with Alice's kiss. I turned to Alice who had her daughter perched on her hip. Rhiannon looked just like Jasper but had Alice's deep brown eyes, almost black, and the ethereal nature which just shone through. Our kids, those old enough to have an opinion, were fairly certain that fae blood ran in Alice's veins. Honestly, I'm pretty sure they're right.
When I turned to thank Alice, she just smiled and mouthed, “I know. You're welcome.”
Emmett looked between us and then shrugged. He never understood the bond between Alice and me, and had long since given up the attempt. His hand slid into my back pocket as we all walked up the sidewalk to our home.
We will have our messy moments. There will be struggles and arguments. But we will walk the path together. At the end of our lives, our photo albums will be filled with love.

Snapshots of Polyamory Chapter 7:When four become one

Chapter 7: When four become one February 14, 2009
We pushed back our New Year's trip to Valentine's Day as we wanted to work out the issues I had, as well as those which had remained unspoken among the other three. Rose was worried about how exactly to share the nature with the girls and we actually sought outside help from Jasper and Carlisle. Between the two of them we were able to find a child psychologist, who while not approving of our unconventional relationship, she was willing to work with us.
The children were very bright and quite observant, so when we had Irina over to our home and the McCarty family came down, she was quite taken aback when Chase had a rather simplified answer.
“Daddy loves Mom. Mom loves Daddy. My mom and dad love Uncle Edward and Bella in the yucky cooties way. They all love my sisters and me. Aunt Bella makes really good chocolate chip cookies.”
That was the end of the discussion.
With the children's blessing, the four of us packed our overnight bags and were on our way to a luxury suite in downtown Milwaukee so that we would only only be a half-hour drive if the kids became too much for Jake and Leah. They had announced their own pregnancy a few weeks ago and were looking forward to more time around the little ones as practice.
Last night... was incredible. I cannot think of another description for it. We stopped worrying about what could be and we just existed in the moment. The room had a walk in shower big enough for the four of us; we made use of it several times during the night. Near two in the morning, Bella and I found ourselves alone in the shower, washing remnants of dribbled champagne and red trails of strawberry juice from our bodies. Rosalie and Emmett were sound asleep width-wise across the bed, his head on her stomach, one hand resting lightly upon her mound. A finger may or may not have been between her folds but at our angle we could not see for certain.
I washed Bella's hair with care and was putting the conditioner in when she turned to me, lips slightly parted. A few faint bruises were appearing on her shoulders and the back of her neck, some too large for my mouth to match the mark. My lips sought out each love-bite and my tongue traced the marks.
We made love in the shower, reclaiming one another and reinforcing that our love was not diminished by our loving of Emmett and Rose. I panted out her name as I came, my head dropping onto Bella's shoulder. The water had long since turned cold and we quickly rinsed before climbing out of the shower.
The garbage can had several used condoms in it, most wrapped somewhat discretely in tissue. The main rule we had was that between partners we were not married to, condoms and/or dental dams were strictly in place; there would be no exchange of non-saliva bodily fluids. We were all disease-free, had specifically gone to be tested for proof, but we did not want any unnecessary worries. In time, with a more public commitment and years, not months as a quad, we would likely relax the strictest of our physical rules down to just condoms or chemical birth control.
As Bella and I turned off the shower and stepped out to wrap up in the complimentary robes, we heard two sensual groans. One was deep and the other started in a soprano range in and ended in a low alto tone. To steal an overused cliché, the four of us make beautiful music together.
We stood in the doorway between the bedroom and the master bath, watching Emmett repeatedly raise and lower his body atop Rosalie in an illicit pushup that had my mind wandering and my body aching for him to enter me once again. My cock was worn out after so much use and merely swelled slightly at the stimulating thoughts, the robe's folds hiding me. Rose whispered into Emmett's ear and they both turned to us, motioning us to join them in the bed.
It was all about the loving, not the release, as we kissed the others we had allowed into our marriage. As the four of us finally lay at peace, I considered the gifts we each brought to the table. Bella brought her heart, Emmett his strength- not just physical- but an emotional strength and resiliency I have yet to see an equal to, and Rosalie brought a quick intellect with common sense, loyalty, and a fierce devotion to those she loves. Me, I bring myself, and hopefully they glean from me what they need to in return.
I sat up against the headboard of the bed and watched their sleeping forms. I have always been a night owl and tonight was no exception. Part of me, a small part of me at this point, was still worried that I was somehow going to let them down. I am prone to “emosodes,” as Emmett calls them, where I immerse myself in my music and outside of work and food, I rarely surface until the music has soothed whichever part of me was feeling ragged.
Surprisingly, it is Rose who can pull me out of those obsessed moments the best. It could be her no-nonsense manner, or it could be that while I love her, she is not as under my skin as Bella and Emmett. They both get me in a manner I cannot explain. But Rose, she and I love one another deeply, but we have to work on it constantly. We also bring out the childish taunting side in one another. We bicker, a lot, and the children make fun of it, saying that we are worse than the twins when they are fighting over the last of a certain shirt in a popular clothing store.
Even now, at only eight months into the relationship, I cannot imagine my life without them. It frightens me to a degree, but not so much that I would have it any other way. If I was asked today to give up one of my three loves, I could not do it. However, if I was asked to step back for their happiness, I would in a heart beat. They mean everything to me, and loving them also means doing what is best for us as a whole. One day, we may not be together, but I hope, I hope and pray to all the gods and goddesses that may listen to me, that we will always be friends.
A phone on the dresser began to vibrate, so I carefully extricated myself from the various arms draped upon my legs and tiptoed my way across the room. Rosalie's phone was the culprit and the call was coming from their house. One of the kids.
“Hello?”
“Edward, it's Jake. Chase woke up with a bad dream and will not go back to sleep. I swear we tried everything and I cannot get him to go down again.”
I looked over at the bed; they were all still asleep. Tightening the sash on my robe, I made my way out to the living room portion of our suite and closed the bedroom door partway.
“Can I talk to him for a second?”
“Sure Sure. I'll run the phone in.”
I could hear faint sniffles as Chase cried and then Leah's voice while she tried to soothe him. My chest physically hurt as I longed to be there comforting him.
“Eddie?” My name was broken apart into multiple syllables as he sobbed it out.
“It's me, little man. Your mom and dad are asleep. Do you want me to get them or do you want to tell me about your dream?”
I heard him press something against the phone and then Jake saying 'fine' as he left the room. “Uncle Eddie, I dreamed that you and Auntie weren't going to be here anymore. Auntie Bella was so sad that she didn't have her own baby and she didn't want to be around us, just like at Thanksgiving.”
“Oh, gosh, Chase. No, no, no. Bella and I are going to be around a long time, I hope. We love you, Kailey, Cara, your mommy, and your daddy very much. Yes, we were sad when we didn't get to have our baby but that would not ever make us want to be around you less. You're my special guy, didn't you know that? Your dad can't sing to save his life so someone has to teach you how to sing and play instruments.”
“Uncle Eddie, can I come down and stay with you and Auntie Bella some night? Can we play the piano and then have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast?”
I could not help but laugh as I thought of Bella making Mickey Mouse chocolate chip pancakes with a whipped cream smiley face for him.
“I think if we ask your mom really nice, she'll let you come sleep over some Saturday night. Are you feeling any better, Chase? Would you like me to sing you a song to help you sleep?”
I heard the creak of the mattress and the whisper of fabric as Chase laid down once again. “Yes, please.”
My mind worked rapidly to find the right song and finally landed on one that I could remember singing to Alice when she would stay over and have a bad dream. The last time the melody had passed my lips was when I was ten, at the oldest.
I'll be your candle on the water
'Till ev'ry wave is warm and bright
My soul is there beside you
Let this candle guide you
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light
He was asleep before I had reached the last verse. Leah pried the phone from his hands with only a small whimper on his part before he buried his face back into the pillow.
“Thanks, Edward.” Leah had never taken a liking to me, so I was more than surprised to hear the warmth in her voice.
“You do not need to thank me, Leah, but you are welcome. Feel free to call my phone if he wakes up again. The number is posted on the bulletin board beside the phone in the kitchen. I would be glad to talk to him again. I hope you can get some more sleep. Good night.”
“Good night.”
I closed the phone and leaned back to put my feet up on the edge of the table when I noticed Rosalie in the doorway. A barely opaque white nightgown ghosted over her curves as she looked at me, her eyes staring through me.
“I just realized, in this moment, how much I truly love you, Edward.” She walked across the room, her feet silent upon the carpet, until she was sitting on my lap. “Thank you.” My arms went around her and eventually we fell asleep on the couch, with Rosalie sleeping upright against my chest, her head on my shoulder.

Snapshots of Polyamory Chapter 6: Yuletide

Chapter 6: Yuletide December 24, 2008
I sat back on the couch with a glass of wine while Bella and Rosalie trimmed the tree with the girls. Chase had fallen asleep on Emmett's chest during the game. I honestly couldn't tell you who was playing as I was too busy watching my two beautiful women ooh and ahh over ornaments.
Physically, Bella was mostly healed from the miscarriage. The doctors said it was so early that her body had not been affected adversely. Doctor Eleazar likened it onto an extremely heavy yet short term period with a week of spotting after. Regardless, it did not change the emotional effects upon us both.
The first time we came up to Rosalie and Emm's afterward, Bella broke into tears when Chase ran up to her for a hug. Outside of the one instance though, and a few emotional moments at home, Bella was bouncing back. We have talked about the miscarriage, as well as our thoughts for future attempts, and we have even gone to speak with Jasper about it. While his specialty is in couples' therapy, he's also dealt extensively in how parenthood and loss filter into the relationship spectrum.
Through it all, Rosalie was Bella's biggest help, for which I was both angry and thankful. She was a blessing in that Bella would let her in when all she wanted to do was cry. But I felt shut out, even though Bella would talk to me, it was not the same. I wanted her to come to me about things, not Rosalie.
In my pocket, my hand felt for the the envelope containing tickets to the game for Emmett, concert for Rosalie, and to the museum for Bella. Each envelope also had a second ticket with my name. I wanted to try harder by splitting my time more equally with my three loves.
For the children, I had cds of music I had performed and recorded for them; each had a song composed specifically for him or her. It was something special only I could give them. The four of us had all chipped in and paid for a night at the Milwaukee Hilton over New Years where we were hoping we could take things to the next step.
Physically, we had kissed and touched a bit, but had not progressed beyond some mild exploration beneath clothing. Emmett and I had shared a little more with one another, and we are fairly certain the girls have as well, but it is much harder for us to hide our reactions to kissing.
Emmett teased me about my piercings, offering to make a bet with me to see what else I could get pierced. That led to a discussion on piercings and then our cocks. Apparently, he was not circumcised. A beer or two later on our evening in at the loft while the girls had a night at Emm and Rose's ended with us sitting on the couch watching porn.
Our thighs were touching, but otherwise we did not so much as look directly at one another while we took care of our needs. I came first and had cleaned myself off with a tissue when Emmett pulled me over into a kiss. His hand continued to stroke his cock while our lips asked silent permission for what we did not yet dare speak aloud.
My hand traversed the taut muscles of his chest and down to rest on his abdomen. Fingers bumped fingers and then my hand was atop his. Within a minute he had reached his own climax, both our hands covered in the warm droplets.
I wiped us both clean with another tissue. Emmett continued the kiss, pushing me back into the couch until his weight was pleasantly too much for me to bear. We fell asleep like that, half spooning with him partway on top of me, waking when Bella came home.
Emmett had come to bed with us that night, curled up behind Bella, his arm stretching over her to rest upon my side. As sexually exciting as our foray had been, for me it had a much stronger emotional impact. The sharing of sensation, being within his personal space, and having the love flowing through our touches was much better than any orgasm.
The next morning, Bella and I had gotten up to make coffee and after I divulged our step forward, her cheeks reddened. She shared her own secret that she and Rose had waxed one another and then let their fingers massage in the soothing lotion a little too fully from what we had previously agreed upon.
We had rules for our sexual activity. Until the four of us were in bed together, hopefully at New Years, we were limited to hands on the outside of clothing below the waist. Apparently, we had broken that rule on the same day but did come clean about it. When Emmett heard, first his mind latched onto the image of our women waxing and secondly to the activities following.

~*~

After the tree was decorated, Emmett settled Chase onto the couch and we went out to their backyard. Rosalie and Emmett had saved a large chunk of last year's tree for the Yule log and we had several minutes with a saw awaiting us. Emmett hefted the large section of trunk up onto the brace and we took turns with the saw although he had far more experience and strength.
Rose had tucked in Chase while we were out and the girls were picking out the best of the cookies for Santa Claus. Bella sat out mugs of hot mulled cider for us to warm up with. We all laughed as the twins squealed. Emm was shaking the snow off his hair onto them.
Emmett and I put the logs in the hearth and started our Yule fire. Having one to share with loved ones made the holiday even more special to us. We had moved from friends to almost family in six months.
The six of us sat down to watch the Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. Bella had Kailey sitting between her feet and Rose had Cara. The two women sat there playing with the girls' hair, making elaborate braids which were promptly finger combed out and started once again.
The girls began to doze off just before the Council of Immortals bestowed the mantle of immortality on Santa. We sat there with the television off after the recording ended, the flicker of the fire casting a warm glow upon the room. There were no lights on the tree, but there were ribbons, nuts, some small gold coins like one would use on a belly dancing skirt, some hand made ornaments,and the yearly store-bought ones they bought to signify the past year.
Near midnight, Rose stretched and then pulled herself up off the couch and went into the kitchen. I heard some rummaging before she came out with a large department store box. Inside were four ornaments. There was a ceramic school house with Chase's kindergarten picture in it. Emmett took that one to hang up. Rose and Bella took the girls' ornaments. Then Emmett handed me one. It was a small silver frame with a picture of the four of us on one side, the seven of us (including the children) on the other. The year, two thousand and eight, was written in a fancy script beneath. Above were the words, “Love comes in many forms.”
I stood, with my arm around Bella's waist as I hung the ornament on a strong branch at eye level. The four of us were gathered in a group hug, the symbols of this year and our wishes for the next watching over us. The lilac scent of Rosalie's perfume was sweet as my nose picked it out from among the smell of the fire, Emmett's aftershave, and the fresh pine of this year's Yule tree.
I kissed Rose's forehead and she gave me a smile, tilting her face up for a kiss.
“Happy Yule, Edward,” she whispered as our lips came together. Rosalie's kisses were not quite as full of passion like Bella's or Emmett's, but the love was always there.
Her hands were cold as they slid beneath my sweater and I felt our spouses break the hug to make their own holiday greetings. Rosalie's hips pushed against mine briefly and then again, guiding me to the couch. I let her lead as I stepped backwards; my sweater and t shirt were bunched up on Rosalie's wrists as her hands moved to my chest. I cupped her ass as I lowered us to the couch, and her legs moved to straddle me.
“I think they found some mistletoe, Bellaboo.”
I smiled against Rosalie's lips as I heard Emmett use his nickname for Bella.
Rosalie's lips released mine, her breath coming out in a gasp as Bella playfully nipped at the exposed skin of her neck. The four of us ended up on the floor, kissing, biting, touching, until the fire's light began to dim. Emmett reached for the button closure on my fly and popped them free like an expert.
As his hand closed around me, my breathing caught and I could not stop the panic attack that hit me.
What if this ruins everything? I love them. What if this is too fast? What if I fuck things up with them? Will it destroy what I have with Bella? What if? What if? What if?
My mind was in overdrive and the weight of our decisions came raining down on me.
What if we have kids and they are ridiculed in school because they have two moms and two dads? Would we want to live in the same house? What if I got Rose pregnant? Or Emmett with Bella? So many things we had not talked about yet.
I mumbled something about the bathroom and quickly shed my clothes as soon as I was behind the door. My mind does not actually recall the walk from the living room to the main floor guest bath. I needed to shower. I needed to try and scrub my mind free of all the thoughts.
Washing my hair only filled the room with the scent of Emmett and made my heart sink. We had finally rounded that corner into our loving relationship also being sexual, and I had bailed on them. I had done the one thing Jasper told me not to do. Never walk away when you can talk it out.
I could count how many times I have cried in the past four years on one hand, and here I was crying yet again. My legs grew weak and I let myself slide down the wall until I was seated on the buttercup yellow finish on the ceramic tub. I drew my knees up into my chest and let my tears fall while I stared through bleary eyes at the smiling sunflower Rosalie had hand-painted on the bottom of the tub.
The doorknob turned with the jingling of the bells hanging on the handle. I stood as the door opened, rinsing my hair quickly. My eyes closed of their own volition, my unconscious protecting me from seeing who had entered. I did not want to know, not yet. I could not face their disappointment.
The sliding glass door opened, I sensed someone join me in the shower, and the door closed. When not a word was uttered, I turned around to face my company. My eyes were even with Emmett's mouth, water cascading over his still clothed form. I looked up to meet his eyes and fear went through me. The fire in his eyes was not born of love or lust.
Emmett's right hand flattened against the shower wall, his left going up to wipe the water out of his eyes. I focused on the wedding band upon his left ring finger, the small diamond chip set into the gold caught the light as his fingers flexed. The muscles rippled in his forearm, exuding the silent power that was quintessentially Emmett.
He looked at me, and the fierce gaze of his blue eyes softened. His thumb brushed away one of my angry tears before he licked off the salty drop. Desire once again pooled in my stomach, my body responding to the raw sexuality he possessed.
“If you don't want me, like that; if you don't want me sexually, you need to tell me now. More lives than ours could be fucked up if you can't figure out what you want. When the four of us met, I saw you looking at me. What do you want?”
My eyes drifted to his face. From the dark curls which were almost black as water clung to them in crystal droplets, the hard set of his jaw with a hint of stubble on it, to the clearly delineated v of his hips, visible beneath the wet t shirt, he was sex personified. I was jealous that Rosalie, his wife, could enjoy looking at him every day, like this, minus the wet shirt. She has enough laundry with their three children to have him soaked each day.
“Emm, I...” I shook my head. “I... haven't thought about what I want.”
His hand turned into a fist and then released. “Dammit, Edward, that is not an answer. You can tell me that you want me, or you don't. Hell, you can even tell me that you're scared. But don't you dare think I'm stupid enough to accept that you haven't thought about it. Your cock is fucking hard as hell, even while your mind tries to reconcile what is going on. I get that. I do. The first time Rosie and I were with another couple, I wasn't exactly sure what was happening to me.”
His hand came up and rested on my bare shoulder. “Edward, I let things go a lot further than they should have then. I ruined what could have been with Kate and Garrett. Sleeping with him was wonderful, but I wasn't ready for it yet. If you tell me you aren't ready, that's fine. I can wait. It is just sex. What I feel for you, and for Bella, has nothing to do with you here,” the backs of his fingers gently brushed against my cock before moving up to rest over my rapidly beating heart, “and everything do with right here.”
“Now, I love you and Rosalie loves you, but we're sure as hell not going to let you play us as you figure out what you want. Our kids come first. Period. Then each other. Then the two of you. I'm giving you just one chance to tell me what is going on in your head. If you cannot be honest with me, here and now, maybe this is all a mistake.”
I looked up into those eyes and my heart ached. This was the man I had grown to love. He had been there for me when no one else knew how to be. Emmett and Rose love Bella and me far more than we probably deserve... and I'd just treated their feelings, especially his, like shit.
I crumpled beneath that gaze and resumed my position on the floor, my knees up. “What if?”
He shoved the shower head aside and then dropped to his knees in front of me. “'What if' what, Edward?”
“What if this doesn't work out? What if I fuck things up?”
Emmett pulled off his shirt and awkwardly slid his pants down until he was kneeling in just a pair of briefs. He tossed them out onto the floor and closed the shower dower quickly.
“Well, by running in here you messed up pretty well, I think. People fuck up, even those in a normal relationship. We will be no different except that there are four people needing to work at communication, commitment, and honesty. Why did you run from me, Edward?”
I took a deep breath and dropped my forehead onto my knees. “You are going to think this is stupid. I panicked. I did not know if we were moving too fast, where things were going, or what was going to happen in the morning. What happens if Bella and I have kids and they are ridiculed at school because they have two moms and two dads? What do we do if, when, that two hour drive is too much? Because, Emm, I'm scared. I cannot lose the two of you any more than I could stand to lose Bella.”
Fingers pressed against my cheeks and encouraged me to look up. Emmett was just inches from my face.
“I do not have all the answers, Edward. No one does. Hell, Rosalie and I could be in an accident tomorrow and I could be dead while she's left partially paralyzed. Then what? I can tell you that I would not trust my kids with anyone but you and Bella. I trust that you love Rosalie, Chase, Kay, and Care-bear enough that you would be here to help.”
“But there are two more people in our puzzle. I bet they might have some answers. If you look in your heart, you do too. Between the four of us, I am pretty sure we can work it all out. But first, you need to know what you want from us. Do you know?”
We sat listening to the water hitting the wall and running down, mist clinging to our lashes. I thought about what he said, how he was after my heart, not my body. But I knew he was attracted to me and I was to him. I considered the moments leading up to my panicked escape and then backtracked to my prior experiences with men.
“Outside of some brief touches, what you and I have done, that is as far as I've gone with another man. I am scared that I won't be any good for you.”
His arms came around me, tugging until I fell forward onto my knees. We clung to one another as if the shower water was a maelstrom blowing around us while we floated in a wildly churning ocean, not kneeling in an inch of water.
“Edward, I am not expecting you, or Bella for that matter, to get me off in five minutes like Rosalie can. We have been together for most of our lives. She knows every trick in the book. But there is something special about those first touches, the forays into learning one another, that experience cannot match. You might find a special way of gripping me that she cannot duplicate, or perhaps the calluses on your fingers from playing your guitar will make me come unglued. On the other hand, Rosalie may find a way of kissing you as her nails run gently along your cock, and it will make you shiver with desire. I will be jealous that she is the one doing that to you. Then, I will get over it and resume kissing Bella, Rosalie, and/ or you. Jealousy is not bad when we react to it properly.”

~*~

We stood and Emmett took off the briefs; wet as they were, the white fabric had not been hiding anything. He reached around me for the soap and worked it into a lather between his hands. “Turn.”
I obeyed his simple command and Emmett rewarded me by washing my back, massaging gently as he rubbed the clean scent of sandalwood soap into my skin. He washed down my back, his fingers slipping between the globes of my ass briefly and then turning me around so that the water rinsed me. The momentary touch of his finger against my entrance had caused my heart to pulse a little faster.
Emmett lathered his hands again and laved my front, the suds creating swirls on my flesh. He was no more or less thorough in his cleansing of my cock as he had been any other part of me, yet my cock was unaware of the distinction and swelled at his touch. By the time he had moved on to soap my thighs, my cock was standing proudly, the tip resting against my stomach.
After the soap was rinsed, Emmett kissed my lips one, chastely, and then bent, delivering the same kiss upon the head of my cock before he reached around me to turn off the water. It was not sexual, it was loving. Emmett kissed my chest as he regained his feet. He reached outside of the shower for a towel and dried me off roughly before wrapping it around my hips.
“Remember, we love you for what you have inside here.” Both hands came up to rest over my heart. “You just happen to have a rather nice package that I will enjoy physically loving in the future. But not until we are all ready for that point to be crossed.”
The girls had already put out the remaining embers of the fire and cleaned up the mess while we were in the shower. I looked into the guest room but Bella was not in bed there. Emmett flipped on the light switch in the room and motioned towards my overnight bag.
“Get your pants on and come down to our room. The bed is bigger.”
He stood in the doorway as I pulled out a pair of hunter green and black plaid flannel pants and a black t shirt. I kept the shirt folded but carried it down the hall, following behind him. We climbed the three cream carpeted stairs to the super king sized bed that dominated the nine by nine square platform against the back wall.
Emmett climbed in on the left side of the bed and I heard Bella make a small giggle. He leaned over her to kiss Rose and then nuzzled Bella's neck. I slid beneath the sheets and Rosalie turned over to rest her head upon my chest.
“Did the two of you work out what was wrong?”
I nodded and was opening my mouth to speak when Emmett answered. “Yeah. Although we need to all sit down and talk about the future before we get into bed in a less innocent manner. Normally, I would suggest we do it now, but I am physically and emotionally beat. Tomorrow is going to be here quickly and the four of us need to power nap so we are ready for the toy explosion in the morning. Rose is making a big breakfast for us; although I will still need a pillow or two as padding in my Santa suit. Good night, my loves. Happy Yule and Merry Christmas.”
His hand found mine and the four of us became conjoined links in a chain. Rose and Bella held hands in their sleep while we curled around them protectively. Their love was the best present I could ever ask for.

Snapshots of Polyamory Chapter 5: Things to be Thankful For

Chapter 5: Things to be thankful for. Thanksgiving Day, 2008
Warning: This chapter has references to miscarriage (early first term.) I've posted a short summary at the end of this chapter if you'd like to skip over the details, vague though they are. I experienced a late second term miscarriage six years ago and know that I still have memories and strong emotions triggered easily under the right conditions.
I slammed the door to the closet for the third time and then sat down in the chair beside the dresser.
“Fuck!”
I ran my fingers through my hair. It did not relieve any of my tension, nor did pinching the bridge of my nose. I dropped the hand as soon as I caught myself doing my childhood habit. I tried a new approach.
“Bella, will you please come out of the bathroom?”
No answer.
“Bella, love, if you don't come out, I will take the door off and come in.”
“The hinges are on this side.” Her voice was broken with small sobs that broke my heart.
“Please, let me in.”
I heard the sink run and then Bella came out, the red smears gone from her hands. Her pants were in the sink which was nearly overflowing with water. She let me take her into my arms and stood there crying.
“I'm sorry, love.” I could not think what else to say. Bella was a week late and had taken a test the day after her period was due. It came back positive.
We were at my parents today for Thanksgiving dinner when Bella began to cramp and then to spot. Carlisle and Esme were there for dinner, along with Alice and Jasper, and Doctor Cullen had Bella go put her feet up right away. By the time we tracked down some regular Tylenol for her, the cramping had increased until she was curled up in a ball on my childhood bed.
Carlisle wanted to take her into the hospital to run tests, but we all knew what was wrong. She didn't want to go to the ER so she settled for Carlisle's clinic. It was closed for the day but Carlisle was willing to let us in and use the ultrasound. The news wasn't good. All we could do was go back to my parents' and wait. Bella was not ready to return to our home.
I called Emmett and Rose who said they would get Jake and Leah to watch the kids and be down as soon as she could get the leftovers put away. Me, I was and am still numb. I had only had six days of impending fatherhood before it was taken away. I was not attached the idea yet, despite my excitement.
We had not been trying, perhaps that is the difference. Bella had been on antibiotics for an ear infection, and when she was feeling better, we had used a condom during intercourse. We just did not see that our cat, Lissette, had gotten to it first and left a puncture all the way through the packaging and condom.
Afterward, we'd had a moment of panic, then calmed down and decided that we would be happy no matter the outcome. Now, I am standing here holding my wife and wishing I knew how to comfort her.
I lifted Bella into my arms and settled her onto the bed. She just nodded as I went back to the bathroom and began to clean up some of the blood. My mother had been shocked about the pregnancy and then laid into us for not telling her. When Bella did not want to be touched, I had to listen to Mom's tirade as Bella sat in my en suite bathroom sobbing. I just wanted to be in there with Bella but had to respect her desire to be alone and grieve in private for a few moments.
So I called Rose. Bella had told them within an hour of finding the plus sign on the test. I had to tell them. I had to tell someone who would care like we did.
“Rose, it's Edward. We're losing the baby.”
“We'll be on the road in five minutes. Text me the address. Emmett, call Leah. We need them to babysit- ASAP. Bella and the baby.”
I heard a muffled “shit” as Emmett went for his phone. Within two minutes they had arrangements made.
“Edward, tell Bella I love her and we'll be there as quickly as possible. I love you. Hang in there.”
“I love you too. Thanks, Rosie.”
She hummed in response and then disconnected the call. I closed my eyes and put my head against the wall as my own feelings washed through me. I was sad, yes, but mostly just empty.
“Is this Rosie like Alice and Jasper's Maria?” Carlisle had come up behind me in the hallway.
“Rosalie and Emmett, her husband. They are coming down from Wisconsin, should be here in two hours.”
“How are Ed Senior and Elizabeth taking that news?”
I shrugged in response. “They were not thrilled when they met Emmett but we were still invited for Thanksgiving, so that has to say something.”
Carlisle nodded and put his hand on my shoulder. “I am sorry, Edward. I know that does not change anything. But, we will get Bella in for some lab work tomorrow and find out what is going on. I want her to get an exam by an OB soon to make sure that all the tissue was passed. An infection could make later conception difficult. I know you do not want to hear it, but early miscarriages like this are common; painful, awful, and heartbreaking, but common. You will get through it together. Esme and I are here for anything you need as well.”
I let my honorary uncle pull me into a hug and let his strength wash over me. I would need it. I have to hold everything together.
I wish I had been able to gain more strength from him. The rag dripped pink splashes of water into the bucket as I finished wiping down the toilet and edge of the tub. I was ringing out her pants when I decided to just throw them away. She would not want to wear them again.
I came out of the bathroom when I heard my mother's voice raising into a shrill tone. “Are you the tramp coming in to break up their happy marriage? I can see why Edward would tolerate Bella with the giant if he could have you. They have had enough problems today without you poking your nose in.”
Emmett tried to interrupt but then I heard Carlisle and Esme's voice join the fray. “Leave them be, Beth. They are grieving too. Follow me, Emmett, Rose.”
Esme led them up to my room and softly knocked before opening the door a crack. “Edward, they are here.”
Rosalie waited until Aunt Esme was out of the way and then walked past me to climb onto the bed with Bella, pulling my wife into her arms. My teeth were close to biting through my lower lip when Emmett's arms wrapped around me. We walked, still embracing, to the bed. I looked out the window and could see snow flakes beginning to fall. I needed out in them, I needed to feel the cold, to feel anything.
Emmett knelt down and gently stroked Bella's bangs back from her sweaty forehead and then kissed it. “I'm sorry, Boo.” Her arms clamped down around his neck as she shook with a fresh round of sobs.
His hands moved up and down her back as he whispered into her ear. Eventually she released him and then moved so that her head was in Rosalie's lap. I kissed Bella's cheek and she whispered that she loved me. The image of her being so broken will be permanently etched in my memory.
Rosalie took one look at me and then tilted her head toward the windows. I nodded. “Why don't you boys go outside? I think Bella needs some time with just me, okay?” Her words were softer, her entire demeanor broken from the normal ice queen persona she tries to keep in place. That was when I truly took in her face. Her eyes were puffy, lined with red. Rosalie's makeup was washed off. In five months, I don't think I've ever seen her without makeup. She was always the last person to bed and the first person up in the morning when we spent the night in the guest room at their house.
Emmett grabbed my coat from the foot of the bed and gently took me by the arm. When we were out the door, he helped me slide the coat on. His hands were fast and sure as he fastened the buttons.
“Now, I have no idea how the hell to get out of this monstrosity, so help a fella out and point the way to the exit.”
I started walking toward my parents' room, their balcony has a stairwell leading to the second floor deck and then down to the ground. Emmett's arm slid beneath my coat, his hand resting on the small of my back. It was comforting, more so than my father's or uncle's touch had been.
We were well out into the back acre of the property and had come upon the remnants of an old tree house when Emmett stopped me. His fingers twisted in the fabric of my shirt and tugged me off balance and into his chest. I buried my face in his thick neck, breathing in his scent like a drug.
“Just let it out, Eddie. I am not gonna tell anyone. Let it out. I'm here. It is going to be okay, I promise.”
I pushed him away and started walking deeper into the trees between my parents' house and the road. The snow flakes began to float down more steadily and I could feel my hair growing damp. I didn't want to feel anything.
“Dammit, Edward! I can't keep up if you continue walking away from me. I get it. Your wife is up there and she lost your baby. It sucks, I know. Do not shut me out.”
I stopped running away and punched the nearest tree, my knuckles immediately protesting as I shook my hand out. My arm began to pull back for a second attack and Emmett's arms locked around me, immobilizing my body. I fought against the imprisoning appendages until his grip became almost painful.
“I am not going to let you hurt yourself, Edward. She needs you to be in one piece when we go back up there.”
“But I can't help her! I want to make it all better, and I can't. I can't bring our baby back! I can't do anything but watch her cry! Tell me what to do, Emmett. Tell me what I can do to make her stop crying.”
Emmett lowered us to the ground, his back up against one of the great pines. A carpet of browning needles was beneath our legs. Emmett turned me so that I was straddling his muscular thighs.
“We lost a baby after the girls, before Chase.”
I did not think that less than ten words would mean so much. My arms were around his neck and the tears finally came.
“I... want... to help... her. I couldn't make... it stop. The blood. I had to clean it up.”
“I know.” Emmett's hands stroked up and down my back beneath my coat. “I've got ya, now. We know what the two of you going through and nothing makes it better. Time makes it less sharp, but the pain is still there. All you can do is love each other. But, we love you too, and we are gonna be here. We will help take care of Bella and you've gotta take care of you too.”
Emmett's voice was low and soothing as he talked about their experience and eventually my tears dried up. He suggested now that I had finally gotten it out, we should go in. My knuckles were red, one was cracked, but overall, there was not any real damage.
We stopped in a clearing and I tilted my hot, sticky face up to the softly falling snow. Emmett's hand slid behind my head, fingering the hair that had grown out beyond my collar in back.
“You look like an angel in mourning.” His voice was hoarse, rough with emotion.
I closed my eyes as I turned my face from the clouds back to his, opening to see his blue eyes staring back at me. They were reddened from his own tears, the lashes matted together. Another wall shattered within me and I kissed him. Hard.
It was a war of teeth smashing against lips, tongues stroking soft flesh and then pulling back to avoid catching on a tooth. Emmett let me lose myself in our kiss for several minutes until he stepped away, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he attempted to catch his breath.
Our walk to the house was made much more slowly than the trip out, in part due to the blood having pooled between our legs, and also from not knowing what situation we were walking into. Stealth was on our side as we darted up the back stairs two at a time, shedding mud and snow covered boots and coats outside my room. They made a haphazard pile in the middle of the hallway and we stepped over them as we eased the door open.
Bella was sound asleep in Rosalie's lap as Rosalie sat there finger combing Bella's hair. I felt like we were intruding upon an intimate moment. Rose looked up at me with a sad smile and patted the bed space beside her.
“Thank you for calling me.”
“Thank you both for coming.”
Rosalie held out her arm to me. “We wouldn't dream of being anywhere else.”

~*~

It was Thanksgiving. Just a few hours ago, I didn't think I had anything to say around the table tonight as we ate our pie. Having Rosalie and Emmett here has shown me just how deep their love for us flows and ours for them. I am thankful for the love they share with us, and thankful for their presence in our lives.
Chapter 5 summary
Bella suffered a miscarriage at approximately 5-6 weeks, on Thanksgiving day. Bella and Edward had only known of the pregnancy for a week. He called Rosalie and Emmett who came down. Edward's mother was less than supportive over Rosalie's arrival but Esme took control of the situation. While Rose and Bella had a private moment (unseen by Edward) he and Emmett were outside as Emmett explained that he and Rose had suffered a prior loss and know what they are going through. The chapter ends with the four of them comforting one another on Edward's bed at his parents' house.

Snapshots of Polyamory Chapter 4: Missing and Loving

Chapter 4: Missing and loving (October 17th- Friday)
I called in sick. I had not done that in over three years. I did not have the heart to willingly give up any time with Emmett. Bella rolled her eyes when I reached for the phone, but continued to get herself up and showered. Emmett was still asleep when she left, so she made me promise to tell him goodbye for her.
The bathroom tile was cold beneath my feet, causing me to jump from foot to foot as I gargled the vanilla mint mouthwash. I was a little scruffy, not much, and my hair looked as mussed as always, so I did not see the point in showering yet. Eventually, he would see me looking less than one hundred percent put together. Why delay the inevitable?
The hard wood floors had soft white rugs covering them, a faux sheepskin which kept my feet warm as I padded my way down to the kitchen. I plugged my iPod into the dock and started singing along with Nathan Wallace's last song in the Genetic Opera as I fried up a pan full of hash browns and scrambled eggs. I was just draining the bacon when huge arms wrapped around my chest and pulled me backwards.
“Morning. What are you still doing home?”
“I do not actually have any classes today, was just going to tidy up my office and the music room. So, I called in sick to spend the day with you. If you would rather I go in, I can get dressed.”
Emmett released his hold on me and his eyes took a slow sweep from my head to my feet and back again, lingering on the small hoops through my nipples.
“I rather like you in just those pants, even if you are a Bears fan. Didn't know you had piercings.”
I blushed and ducked my head. “Jasper and I were rather drunk one night and made a bet which I promptly lost. After they were done, I found that I liked them. Luckily, so does Bella. Can you grab the plates,” I added, trying to shift the conversation off of my college recklessness.
With the spatula, I pointed to the cabinet beside the microwave. When Emmett brought back our dishes, I served our food, and then took the plates to the breakfast nook. I grabbed the orange juice and two glasses on my way.
Breakfast was spent arguing over the upcoming Bears versus Packers game and making plans to watch it at their house in front of the big screen. We dumped the dishes into the washer, I quick washed the egg pan and put it in the drainer while he checked for any cups strewn about the living room from our movie night.
We passed the morning by taking a walk. I had to avoid areas like the mall but some locations were safe from me being caught out by coworkers. We ended up at Mitsuwa for lunch, sharing an order of sushi from the deli and a plate of bul go ki fro Mama's Kitchen in the food court. Emmett had never heard of bubble tea so I treated him to one while I grabbed a green tea smoothie from Re Leaf. On the way back, Emmett's hand brushed mine once, twice, and then a third time.
I looked up at him and smiled. Our fingers reached for one another and then intertwined. We walked hand in hand the rest of the trip back home. I was strangely content from such a small physical gesture.
Emmett and I had passed a turning point in our relationship and suddenly, I wanted more. I could feel the tension rippling off of him as we rode the elevator up, and he hovered right behind me as I opened the door. I tossed my keys into the basket and was watching him from the corner of my eye as I put my shoes away. When I stood, he smirked, the dimple in his right cheek deepening slightly.
“About damned time.” Emmett's fingers came up slowly as he spoke. I stood still as they slid across my cheek to rest at the back of my neck. “Yes?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He applied gentle pressure to my neck, coaxing my face to tilt upward. My hand rose to his shoulder, cupping the rippled muscles beneath his wind breaker. The last thing I saw as my eyes slowly closed were those deeply pink tinged lips coming closer.
Warmth. I felt his breath wash over me before firm, plump, deliciously smooth lips pressed against mine. He was hesitant, waiting to see how I responded. I kissed Emmett back, our lips closed as we shared our first taste of intimacy.
It was over before it had truly begun and he was pulling back, smiling down at me. Emmett whistled as he released me and moved into the living room, sinking down into the couch, feet crossed on the coffee table. I stood there in the foyer, my fingers pressed against my lips. He was going to be the death of me if Bella wasn't.

~*~

“So, what did the two of you do today?” Bella was talking as she walked in the door. Emmett and I were there to greet her, something she obviously enjoyed. Her eyes brightened when she saw us standing there together.
“We watched some tv, bitched about sports, grabbed food at that Japanese marketplace on Algonquin, I kissed your husband, we played some video games, and he showed off his music skills; just the usual, you know.”
The sparkle in his eyes was at odds with the calm, “no big deal” tone of his voice. Bella's eyes grew even larger as she looked first at Emmett and then to me. He turned to me with a smile before he grabbed Bella around the waist and pulled her over to him.
“Welcome home, babe.” He had to bend nearly in half to close the foot difference in height. I watched with warmth and an increased fondness as his nose brushed against hers and then their lips met. It was soft and sweet, but no less heartfelt for the short nature.
I wrapped my arms around her and gave her the next kiss, Emmett smiling at both of us as we separated.
“You two are still disgustingly cute with each other after four years. I like it.”
I rounded on him. “Who are you to talk? You and Rosalie still make eyes like love-struck teenagers whenever you walk into a room.”
Emmett laughed and put an arm around my shoulder, his other around Bella. “We have been together for sixteen years, married for ten. We took a break to sow our wild oats, to make sure we would not wake up one day and feel like we had missed out, for a few weeks in college, but found ourselves back together. We were just meant to be. She is my best friend as well as my wife. I cannot imagine a day where I do not wake up beside her or at least hear her voice within the first hour of being awake. Rose is my everything.”
He walked us slowly over to the couch and we all sat together. “I have real hopes that the four of us will turn out like that. You and Bella have this amazingly solid relationship. You support one another and help each other grow. I am getting to the point where I do not like being away from either of you, the same way I feel about Rosie. When you are away, it feels like a part of me is missing. I am in love with the both of you.”
My mind was empty of everything but Emmett and Bella loving me. I blurted out, “I love you,” as I turned to kiss the side of his neck. He made a content, purring sound, a low moan in his throat before he pulled me half onto his lap.
I had not consciously thought about falling in love with Emmett, or Rosalie for that matter, but it had happened. My heart had grown in capacity; I was not loving Bella any less or differently because my heart had claimed space for them. My love for Bella was deeper because she was sharing this love with me.
The three of us sat quietly, the tv on but forgotten, just enjoying the moment. We had been there for almost thirty minutes when Emmett's phone began to vibrate against me. To their amusement, in my position the vibration was directly against the inside of my thighs and balls. I let out a low groan as Emmett shifted me over to get to his phone.
“Hey, Rosie-Posie, how was your day?”
I watched as Emmett tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder before pulling me back onto his lap, close to our prior position. One hand went to the phone and the other was resting on my thigh. He smiled at me before turning his attention back to the phone.
“That is great, honey! Please send Vera my congratulations. I'm so glad that you're having a good time and everyone came to see you and the kids. You deserve this trip away from home and the shop. I am sure Jake and the boys can handle everything with you gone. They know they can just call me and I will be there in two hours, less if Edward drives.”
Emmett switched hands and draped the other around Bella's shoulders. “Oh, yeah, it has been fun. Edward showed me some of their city, we probably made some folks do a double take as we held hands walking back along Arlington Heights Road. Oh! That is too funny; just a second.”
He put his hand over the microphone portion of his phone. “Rosalie said we probably fueled some imaginations more than causing a stink.” We both rolled our eyes as the women giggled.
Emmett returned to the phone. “I miss you, baby. Yeah, well, we'll see. I'm not sure what time I'm going to bed...” or which bed you're sleeping in, “... but sure, I'll call right before bed. Oh... Oh! Yeah, I definitely will call. Love you!” He kissed the phone and then we could hear the high pitched sounds of glee as Rosalie wrangled the kids to the phone to say hi to Daddy.
“You make it look so easy,” I said as he hung up the phone. “I hope that I can be even half the father you are one day.”
He leaned back into the couch, his arms crossing behind his head on the back of the cushion. “I fly by the seat of my pants most days. All you can do is love them. I keep food on the table and make sure they are clean, but most of all, I just love them. It is the same way with a relationship. You have to work, every single day, to keep up with the maintenance work. But it is love that keeps you going.”
“So, Bella, what did you want to do this evening?” Emmett steered the conversation away from the heavy waters we had been swimming into.
“I thought, since we are close enough to Chicago, we would go the touristy route and grab some pizza before walking the Mile. It is still warm enough that the Lake wind should not be too cold. We could get some souvenirs for the kids. Cara and Kailey might like something from American Girl, and we could probably shop for Chase at the Disney Store.”
We both agreed with Bella and after putting on some slightly warmer jackets, we made our way out to the SUV. Emmett nodded his head over to the sheet draped Vanquish. While Bella opened up the garage and started the Trailblazer, I pulled back the cover and let Emmett see my baby.
His low wolf-whistle made me smile and he looked to me before touching the Vanquish. “Ya know, Rosie would love to get her hands on this.”
If I could trust anyone with my baby, it would be Rosalie. “Next time we come up, I'll drive the Vanquish.”
“She will absolutely shit her pants after working on all the crap suburbanite cars she sees day after day.” Emmett was still shaking his head in disbelief over my 'quarter-life crisis-mobile,' as Bella refers to it.
“Classy, Emmett, real classy. Do you kiss Rose and your kids with that mouth?” Bella was staring at both of us as she chastised him.
“Along with you and your husband.”
Bella rolled her eyes and told us to get in. She drove while I fiddled with the radio. Emmett was buckled in yet leaning forward so that his arms were resting on our seats, his head between ours to keep the conversation going. It was only later when the waitress brought us our pizza at Gino's that I realized what was wrong.
“I miss Rose. She should be here.”
Bella and Emmett looked up at me, a hint of sad acknowledgment in their eyes. I pulled out my phone and called her. She answered after a few rings.
“Edward?”
“Hello, Rosalie. We are sitting down to dinner and it doesn't feel right without you being here with us. We needed to hear your voice.”
“Just a sec.” Rosalie's voice was shaky and I heard the clicking of her heels on either tile or hardwood, before she quickly went up or down stairs. She let out a harsh breath before coming back to the phone. “Warn a girl before you pull out that sappy stuff, Edward. Gods, I must be hormonal today. The kids are having a blast with my folks outside. I came back in to talk so they do not see me with mascara running down my cheeks. Where are you eating?”
“We are at Gino's, having pizza. Well, Emm and I are splitting a meaty legend. Bella ordered the spinach stromboli, knowing we could finish off a medium pizza by ourselves.”
Bella's palm was outstretched for the phone and was talking to Rose when Emmett reached over and took my hand. He mouthed “thank you” and then lightly kissed the inside of my wrist before grabbing another slice of pizza.
“We'll see you soon, Rosalie. I promise. I'd like that, a girls' day. Have a good night, honey. Here's Emmett... I love you too.”
We watched as my wife's eyes became misty and she handed off the phone. Emmett waited as Rosalie went back out and we listened as he wished Cara and Kailey goodnight before lowering his voice to a whisper to sing a goodnight song to Chase. “Yeah, I miss you too, buddy. Daddy'll see you in a few days and we'll go play football out back, just you and me, 'kay? If that's what you want, I'll ask him. Love ya, Chasey. 'Night night.”
He gave me back my phone and smiled. “Chase wants you to come play football with us, Edward.”
We turned our attention back to the food and I watched as Emmett finished off our pizza and helped Bella with her stromboli. He must have a hollow leg as he sure doesn't put the food on around his middle. I do not think there is a spare inch of fat on him.
“Why don't we head back to your place for the night. We can do some shopping tomorrow. After that call, I realized that I just want to spend time with the two of you, not share you with other people.”
Bella and I agreed with Emmett and asked for our check. I went to retrieve the car and drove up to find Emmett's arm around Bella's waist. They fit together, almost naturally, and a spark of jealousy flowed through me. I swallowed it back, a mantra of 'he's yours too' repeating through my mind as I assimilated the emotion.
Emmett called shotgun and immediately leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. “You okay?”
I nodded and his jaw tightened. He repeated the question again and I let out a sigh.
“I am fine now. I just had some momentary issues but I worked through them. I am good, I promise.”

Snapshots of Polyamory Chapter 3: Pillow Talk

Chapter 3. Pillow Talk- October 14th
Bella took her hair down out of its bun and kicked off her shoes at the door. Following in behind my wife, I set my bag down on the table beside the door and unlaced my loafers before sliding them into their cubbyhole beneath the bench. I walked through to the kitchen and turned off the slow cooker, setting the lid beside it on the counter.
We both had been stuck at school late, Bella for a meeting and I had papers to grade. I plated our dinner while Bella changed out of her work clothes into pajama pants and a t shirt. Even after four years together, two of them married, she still smirks when she sees me staying in my dress clothes until bed time. Bella doesn't understand that I can be as comfortable in slacks and a dress shirt as I can in jeans and a well worn Henley. I claim it is due to my family's insistence on being “company ready” from when we leave our private chambers in the morning until we retire at night.
We ate the crock pot lasagna with a slice of bread, or three on my part, and I cleaned up while she packed our leftovers for tomorrow's lunch. It was already going on eight pm so we curled up on the couch to read a bit before calling it a night. I was three pages into the last chapter of an autobiography on Goethe when the phone rang, our land line, not the cellphones. Mom.
Bella and I looked at each other before she opted for the easy way out of answering and put it on speakerphone so we both had to speak. Please do not get me wrong, I love my parents. I just love them more an hour away where they still live in the mansion along the lake.
“Hello, Mother.” Bella's voice echoed with, “hello, Elizabeth.”
“Tanya came to visit me today. She and Mark are having a little baby boy! Isn't that fabulous news?”
Bella and I exchanged the look before letting out a sigh. My parents had met our “friends” Tanya and Mark shortly into the relationship; Mom and Tanya became great friends as they spent a lot of time in the same social circle. Elizabeth and Edward had not been made aware of the exact nature of our friendship with the other couple which is a blessing for all of us.
“When are you and Bella going to give your father and I grandchild or two to spoil? Weren't we good parents?”
Bella let out a soft giggle and ran to the kitchen where I heard my cellphone ringing. My mind was split between speaking with my mother and listening to Bella and Emmett's conversation.
“They are? Why don't you...” My mother's voice interrupted what I was trying to hear from Bella. “That sounds great; let me talk to Rose about it. Good night, sweetie!”
“Now, Edward, we'll be there Saturday morning for coffee. Don't have Bella go to any trouble with making food, we'll stop at the bakery for pastries or have Laurent send some along with us.”
“Yes, Mom, we will see you then.” I was eager to get off the phone and hear what Bella was planning.
I climbed off the couch and ended the call, going in to the kitchen where Bella was bouncing around the kitchen, She was going through what sounded like a menu plan with Rosalie. I mouthed, “what's going on,” and was quickly shooed out of the kitchen. Women.
Figuring she would explain when she was off the phone, I went upstairs to shower and put away the rest of the clean laundry. Having the washer and dryer installed by the bedrooms was a stroke of genius by the designer. “Aunt” Esme was nothing but thorough, and our loft was everything we could have wanted from a space that had been concrete floors and walls just two years ago. Within a matter of four months, Esme had turned the former storage space into two thousand square feet of comfortable loft living with a view of the park in Arlington Heights.
We brought the beds from our apartments along with our clothes, but Esme, Carlisle, and my parents provided the rest as a wedding gift. I paid my way through college working for Esme. All the manual labor had kept me fit. When most guys put on the freshman fifteen in fat, I put it on in lean muscle. Jasper had worked the same construction team, and we bonded while putting up dry wall one summer. I introduced him to Alice and that was that. They were engaged before the school year had ended, and were married prior to graduation.
As I finished hanging the last of my work shirts, Bella came upstairs, smiling widely. “We are going to have company for a few days.”
I looked at her over my shoulder, my eyebrow raised.
“Emm. The kids' school is closing for a week due to the flu bug going around. Rosalie's family invited them up for the rest of the week and weekend. Emmett has to work Wednesday evening and does not want to drive all the way up to Door County by himself, so I invited him to stay with us for a few days.”
I nodded and slowly undressed, my mind swimming as I thought about having Emmett in our home. “Won't he be lonely during the day?”
Bella shrugged and climbed into bed after brushing her teeth. “You're off on Friday after second period while the third through sixth graders are on their field trip and we only have a half day on Thursday. I think he'll be fine, love. He spends all day at his house alone, remember?”
I slid beneath the sheet and looked at my lovely wife. “What do you think it will be like to have Emmett here for Thursday and Friday?”
“Oh, he'll be here through Sunday, so I think it will be a great chance to just spend time with him. We do not get a lot of time to just relax as the the girls and Chase are around. I am looking forward to cooking and spoiling you both. I thought I can make steaks, twice baked potatoes, and a Caesar salad on Thursday, maybe we could go out on Friday night, and then Saturday, I am going to make a brunch and then we could make chicken Alfredo with fresh bread sticks for supper. Does that sound good?”
Saturday, brunch. Fuck.
“Uh, Bella, honey...” Her eyebrow rose and I watched as her full lips pursed together. “My parents are coming over on Saturday morning.”
“I guess they are meeting Emmett.”
I nodded and then closed my eyes. “How will they handle that? Do we say he is our friend, our boyfriend? I don't know what to do. We never had to deal with that regarding Tanya. She had to keep it quiet because of her job. I don't want to mess this up.”
Soft lips met mine, urging me to be quiet with a kiss. I let my lips part, my tongue gently asking permission to enter her mouth. Bella whimpered as my tongue stroked against hers and then pulled back to rest her forehead upon mine, lips pressed together chastely.
“I think we need to talk to them about it.” Bella climbed out of bed and only the light creak of the fourth stair alerted me she was going down. Her phone rang as she came back up.
“Thanks for calling, Rose. Is Emmett on too? Good. I'm going to switch it over to the speaker if that is okay.”
Bella slid back into bed.
“Are you in bed?” Emmett's voice was audible from the space between our pillows where Bella rested the phone.
“Yes, we are. Bella and I found out something and wanted to talk to the two of you about it before any situations arose.”
“Is it that bad?” Rosalie was concerned, her tone cautious.
“No, no, no. I found out after getting off the phone that Elizabeth and Edward senior are coming for breakfast on Saturday while Emmett is here.”
It was quiet on the other end.
“Do you not want me to come then? That is fine. I can keep myself busy around here.” I could hear the slight pain edging in despite his words to the contrary.
“We want you here, do not worry about that, Emm. We are absolutely ecstatic to have you stay with us for a few days. The reason we called is to find out how we should introduce you. What are you comfortable with?”
“Do your parents know about your alternative lifestyle?” Rosalie spoke up after a few seconds of silence.
“No, Rose, they don't. It never came up with Tanya and Mark, and obviously not with Jasper and Alice since that was our first real foray into things. Bella's parents are out of state; Charlie is in Washington and Renee is in Florida. Mine are local.”
It grew silent again before Emmett said something to Rose. “We're gonna get changed and climb into bed too, give us a second.”
We listened as they undressed. I heard the soft fall of a satiny material on skin and my mind conjured up images which had my body responding. From images of Rosalie in a red silk peignoir to Emmett in boxers, my cock pulsed to life, stiffening until it pressed against the opening in my boxer briefs. Fabric rustled, joints popped audibly, and then Emmett let out a content sigh. I wanted to see him stretch out in bed beside us.
“That's much better. Oh shit, Rosie, I forgot to turn on the monitor for down the hall, can you hit the button? Thanks, hon. Hey guys. Yeah, we still keep a baby monitor on for Chase. He walks in his sleep some times, so we have his room gated so he can't fall down the stairs by accident. So, meeting the 'rents. I am good with it. I care about the two of you and do not care who knows. Up here, we have to be discreet in public for a few more years because of the kids and school, ya know?”
Rose spoke up next. “My family already knows about you. Jan and Bob, Emmett's parents, know that we are poly but have asked to not have any other details. They do not want to know.”
“My folks are pretty conservative. I am just glad they didn't disown me or stop acknowledging the girls when we told them. When Rosie became pregnant with Chase, the first words from my dad were 'is it yours?' You can probably imagine how badly I blew up at them.”
Bella and I nodded before realizing they couldn't see it. I would much rather have this conversation in person, but over the phone was better than not at all.
“Emmett, Edward and I still want you to stay here. We are really looking forward to you staying. I am willing to risk some drama with Elizabeth and Edward to let them know about you. You both have a special place in my heart, and I do not want to hide you or lie about our relationship.”
I reached over and squeezed Bella's hand in silent support. “I feel the same way. Emmett, Rose, the two of you are important to me, to us, and I want this to work. I am trying to work on my communication skills; I have lived inside my own head so long that it is hard sometimes, but I am ready to go public here. My parents already know about Alice and Jasper; Esme and Carlisle are their neighbors so learning about Maria was going to happen.”
I could sense Bella's wheels turning. Emmett said something about he would follow our lead.
“What if we have Jasper and Alice over for breakfast too? They could certainly use a distraction now that Maria's last weeks are coming up before her next sixty day leave. Jasper is the king of communication and would be a great asset to the discussion. What do you think, Edward? They are your parents.”
I smiled at Bella. “I think it is a great idea, love. Rosalie, I am just sad you won't be here to meet them as well.”
She let out a laugh. “On the other hand, I am glad that I won't be. Emmett can take all the heat and tell me about it later. No, seriously, Cara and Kailey already refer to you as Uncle Edward and Aunt Bella, Chase can't stop singing your praises, but they don't need to be around any drama regarding our personal life. I am just a phone call away and want to hear how it goes.”
The rest of the conversation was spent making plans for the weekend and talking about how our day at work went. With the kids in school, Emmett had finished painting the recreation room in the basement and started work on refurbishing the old bar we had helped him carry down in pieces and then put back together.
Their basement is a walk-out and also has two bedrooms on the wall facing the side of the hill. One of them is a locked “play room” with some of their toy collection including some cuffs, a wall of rings to be hooked to, some floggers, and other things that I was too embarrassed to ask the use of.
Emmett took one look at my face, smiled, and then issued us out of the room shortly after showing it to us. “Don't worry, that's just for Rose and me; although eventually, if you are interested, we would be glad to show you what it is like. Not everything hurts, and I've found that a little discomfort makes the pleasure that much more intense. We would never intentionally hurt you, mentally or physically.”
As we walked out, his hand slid down my shoulder to rest on my hip. The heat of his palm went through me and I suddenly found myself turning to hold him, my head tucked into his neck. Emmett squeezed me tightly and then we just stood there in our embrace, silently acknowledging our growing feelings and desires.
We said our goodbyes with plans to see Emmett Thursday at eleven forty five. Bella and I would walk to the train station and take it to work that morning and Emmett would pick us up when classes let out for the early release day. Bella let out a small squeal and had a huge smile upon her face as we ended the call. I am not sure whose smile was larger.

Snapshots of Polyamory Chapter 2: Missing

Chapter 2- Missing September 20.

A/N: KRM, the train line I mention in this chapter, is not completed yet. A girl can only dream.

Bella had driven up to Milwaukee to spend the day with Rosalie and the kids. Emmett had to work for the day and I was just putzing around the house after an earlier lesson. I had tried to drag out the student's lesson a little longer than possible; I knew his parents were scrimping to pay for my time as it was but they refused to let me take any less. Finally as our forty-five minute lesson moved past the hour mark, his mother repeatedly honked the horn until Seth ran down the stairs, a cd of his latest practice piece in hand.
I had finished wiping down the kitchen counters and was contemplating mopping the floors when my cellphone chimed. Flipping the phone open, my screen displayed a new message was waiting from Emmett. Last patient bailed, gonna get the girls and kids. Lunch at the Mills- 1ish? Emm
I looked at my watch and saw that I had a little over an hour to make a thirty minute drive. I sent back a message to Emmett that I'd meet them there and then asked if they wanted to come back here for dessert and a movie. My phone rang moments later.
“Dinner, dessert, and a movie? I think you might have missed us, Eddie.”
It was difficult being in this limbo land between friends and more while living almost two hours apart. In the three months since we'd left PSG, we had emailed daily, called almost as much, plus the four of us, seven with their children, found time to spend together every other weekend.
Emmett and Rosalie had been high school sweethearts. Theirs was a love story of determination and hard work. During college, their campuses were an hour from each other. Rosalie had been sexually assaulted by another student. Emmett says that she still has to watch for triggers although she hasn't had a flashback with him in years. We had discussed how that could affect us in bed and Rosalie was more than willing to develop a series of safe words for all of us to use, sexually and just in the relationship in general, as a way of creating a time out. If we needed a breather, or just needed to step back and talk about what was going on, we had a way to go about it without causing hurt feelings.
Being around small children is normal for us, at work, but in our personal lives, it has been something of a hurdle. We love children, we would not be in our occupations if we did not, but Bella and I are not ready to give up our lifestyle yet for that level of responsibility.
“I miss all of you. I like spending time with you.”
“Aww, Eddie, are you blushing?”
We chatted a bit about how our mornings had gone and then I heard the sound of tires on gravel. Rose and Emmett live outside of the city limits on a larger lot of land, probably around three quarters of an acre. The entire thing is fenced in so the kids can run. Cara and Kailey, aka the twins, are seven and identical. If it was not for the difference in hair cuts, I would have no clue who was who. Chase, their five year old little boy, was a pistol. He was into everything and if he could climb it, he was on top or over it.
“I'm home now. Wanna hear something fun?”
I heard his car door close and then the sound of his soles on pavement as he climbed the steps from the garage up to the side door. The jingling of keys reminded me of the time Rosalie and Emmett had gotten a babysitter one evening and the four of us went downtown for one of the poly outings. He had asked Bella to dance and tossed his keys to me for safe keeping. It had been one of the few times I had sat and just talked with Rose. I found out just how truly warm and amazing she is beyond the hard exterior.
“Daddy!” Chase's voice was a shriek through the headset Emmett wore, forcing me to hold the phone out from my ear.
“Hey, buddy! How does Rainforest Cafe sound?”
I couldn't help but smile as the “Momma, Bella, Daddy's takin' us to the mall,”came blasting through the phone.
The women said something which had the twins start moving.
“We'll see ya in a bit, Eddo.” The call disconnected before I could say goodbye.
I showered and put on a nicer pair of jeans and a button down. Part of me felt silly for dressing up just to go up to the outlet mall. Another part of me was nervous about going on a “date” with Emm and Rose.
I put a little gel in my hair and then gave up taming it shortly after all the strands stuck out how they wanted. I was clean shaven, and with a little dab of amber oil on my wrists and neck, I was out the door.
Bella had taken the train up the newly completed KRM line. I dropped her off at the station here and she could ride the Metra to within a ten minute drive of Rose and Emmett's. It was great for the longer day visits like when we went up to the Milwaukee County Zoo with the five of them. Luckily, their main car could seat us all.
We had done a lot of group events with their family, and had two evenings where it was just the four of us. I try to get it, I really do, but I just do not understand why they cannot get a babysitter more often. The kids are old enough to understand.
Rosalie and I had a disagreement over it last week. I wanted to take her out to the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra's performance but she dragged her feet until it was too late for decent tickets. Rose had said it was not that simple, that she could not just expect Emmett to stay home with the kids so I could take her out to a concert; the same way if she wanted a night out with Bella, it was not fair for me to stay home.
It ended with her calling me a selfish bastard who needed to see beyond his own ego and realize that their children will always come first, their primary relationship second, work third, and anyone else fourth until something permanent is arranged. For the past four years, my focus has been entirely on Bella, nothing else matters to me but having Bella in my life. A certain friend, however, told me that was not healthy and helped me remove my head from my posterior.
I'd gone complaining to Jasper about the situation and he handed me a beer before making me go downstairs to his at home office. He took the beer from me when we went into the leather and wood varnish scented room, popped the caps off with a bottle opener, and handed it back to me when I sat.
“So, you are telling me that you and Bella have finally found a couple you click with, but you are jealous of their commitment to their kids? What happens when you and Bella decide the time is right to bring your own little emo bundle into the world? If you are with another couple, even casually, wouldn't you expect them to accept your responsibilities and dedication?”
“But, that is different!”
Jasper tipped the bottle and I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. “How?”
“It just is. It is hard to talk with the kids around, let alone try and move things forward. I feel like there never is any grown-up time.”
“Have you tried to talk to Emmett and Rosalie about your concerns?” I shook my head in response to Jasper's question. “That's your first step. Open communication, remember? Edward, I've known Emm and Rose for a few years. No, not like that; you can lose the kicked puppy dog face. They are amazing people, a great couple comprised of individuals who bring out the best in one another yet support each other through the harder times, and they're some of the best parents I've ever seen. In today's world, it's hard enough to have a successful marriage in a, quote, normal relationship, end quote. Toss in non-monogamy and kids, on top of non-standard religious beliefs, and you're easily working three times as hard to maintain a healthy relationship.”
He nursed the bottle a bit and then pointed it toward me. “If you fuck up their marriage, I will kick your ass myself.”
“Jasper, I, or rather we, would never do that. It is just so damn frustrating.”
He nodded and came over to sit beside me on the loveseat.
“They never said the path to love is easy. But, I promise you, if you work at this, and learn to talk about what is bothering you before it builds up and turns into a fight, this has the ability to be a beautiful and long-lasting relationship. Bella is nuts about both of them and I know that they feel the same about you. We had dinner with them last week and they are smitten. Please, talk to them about what is worrying you. Honesty is the only policy.”
I had left there and texted Rosalie, asking her to call me as I did not want to wake the girls. When she grudgingly called twenty minutes later, I apologized to her for being an ass. She conceded that they needed to be more understanding as well; they tend to forget what life was like before kids.
Our loft has two guest rooms so we changed around some of the furniture so that the kids could sleep in the room with a queen sized bed and futon, and Rose and Emmett could have the second guest room with the king sized water bed. It had been my bed; the heater helped with my poor circulation so I could stay warm.
I called Emmett back, hoping to catch him before they left.
“Hey, Emm, if you aren't on the road already, I was wondering if the five of you want to bring overnight bags.”
“We just pulled out of the drive and yes, we have bags. Bella invited us but it means a lot that you called to offer as well. We'll see you soon. Drive safely.”
“You too, Emmett. I'll meet you at the entrance to Circuit City.”

~*~

At a quarter to eleven, the kids were tucked in and sound asleep. We had already cleaned up our mess from Thai takeout, dessert, and the kids' snack; dishes were in the dishwasher, leftovers were put away (mostly in Emmett's stomach,) and all garbage had been tossed. We were sitting on the floor on pillows; I am still not sure how we all ended down there.
“Happy three month anniversary, kind of.” Rosalie smiled as she spoke and pulled Bella into a hug. “We met three months ago today. Who would have thought that workshop would end with us all sitting here?”
We looked at each other and promptly mumbled, “Alice,” before we broke down in giggles. Our precognizant friend is often the butt of jokes, and she accepts it with a secret smile only I ever see.
Looking around the group comprised of my wife and the couple we were beginning to have true feelings for, I decided it was now or never. I had to show them that I was committed to where things were going.
“In light of reaching a milestone day, I was hoping we could broach the topic we have been dancing around.” My hand gently rested upon Bella's thigh and then on Emmett's. Without a word, their movements mimicked mine and they each reached for Rosalie and me in turn.
“I, or rather we, since we have spoken about it, care about the two of you as much more than friends. After finally getting my head out of my ass, as Rosalie has repeatedly requested, I know that our situation is more difficult because of your children. But, we want you, all of you, to be more than just friends. We are willing to do what it takes to make this work. I want there to be an 'us,' if you'll have Bella and me.”
Six arms went around me and I felt just as happy as the day Bella accepted my offer for a first date.

Snapshots of Polyamory: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Introductions, mid- June 2008

A/N: PSG is no longer held in Ohio but the festival has continued at a new site while the Ohio site now has its own gathering during the same week. My husband and I have fond memories of both sites, and we have sat in on the meet and greet.

The drive from North Eastern Illinois to Southern Ohio was made in considerably less time than the AAA trip-tik said it would take. Bella gave up asking me to slow down and tucked her pillow against the window and went to sleep before we had even crossed over into Indiana. I had to practically carry her out of our Arlington Heights loft to the car at four AM. It was about a thirty minute drive until the downtown skyline came into view, a slight glow of the sun in the east lightened the sky.

After years of talking about it, and several months of online discussions with other attendees, Bella and I were finally on our way to Pagan Spirit Gathering. Alice and Jasper left last night as they are council members and will be assisting with the community setup. They took our tent with them and are saving us a space next to theirs so that we will have friends close by.

It took several weeks after Alice kissed Bella for our friendship to find solid ground again. So many emotions had gone through me, lust from watching them kiss, jealousy that someone else was kissing my wife, wonder that their could be a different way than we were used to, and pure happiness when I saw the sparkle in Bella's eyes. Jasper had cleared his throat from behind me, breaking the girls' staring contest, and he had shook his head at Alice before leaving the room.

“They're not like us, Alice. It wasn't right for you to kiss her like that.”

Alice, who had followed after her husband, let out a sigh. “I know; I'm sorry, Jazzy. I just... You know that it has been building over the past year. When she leaned over to blow out the last of the Imbolc candles, I just had to. She met me half-way; I was not the only one in the kiss.”

My eyes drifted to the mirror where I could watch him sit down on the couch. Jasper's fingernail was toying with the lip of his wine glass. He was deep in thought.

“Alice, do you remember our first time with others?” He paused and I am assuming she nodded as he continued, “Mark was a lot like Edward but Tanya was much more experienced than Bella. I am fairly certain that Bella is out there, confused as all hell over her first kiss from a woman.” Their voices dropped to whispers after that before Jasper called my name.

“Edward, why don't you and Bella come out here. I believe we need to talk.”

We had spent the rest of the evening, and another bottle of wine, discussing Alice and Jasper's relationship. The four of us were already good friends. I had assumed it would be easy to fall in love with them, to take our relationship to a deeper level.

Time however, showed that we were only ever going to be friends. Alice and I had grown up just a few houses apart and saw one another as the sibling we always wanted. Kissing her had felt wrong, despite how beautiful she was and how wonderful I found her on the inside. Jasper and Bella on the other hand, had plenty of chemistry and I'd allowed them a degree of freedom to be together.

Bella, much like me, did not feel comfortable being with someone else when I was not a part of it. It was together or not at all. Our next attempt at a relationship had been after meeting Tanya and Mark at a polyamory meet and greet in Chicago. We had gone to a karaoke night, which wasn't really our scene, but we had tried it for Jasper and Alice's sake. They had wanted us to meet some of their friends and see if there were any couples that we would want to spend time with on our own.

Few of the couples had anything in common with us, although most envied that we had three months of the year together to do nothing but revel in our love. Bella worked one day a week at the library during the summer months, helping with new books coming in, and I had a few dedicated students whose parents paid for continuing music lessons. I worked out of our piano room at home teaching both piano and voice, occasionally guitar, for extra money to tide us over until fall classes resumed.

The four of us, Tanya, Mark, Bella, and myself, had ended up in bed together. We had not progressed anywhere beneath the belt; I was not ready for that.   Mark was not willing to have relations with Bella unless I did with Tanya. Bella, however, did not want to watch me sleep with Tanya but had seemed defensive when I asked her if she was okay with Tanya and I making love.

I had grown to love Tanya, to a degree, but she was not my Bella. Bella always came first; loving another did not diminish my love for my wife. While Tanya and I were making an attempt at sexual intercourse, Mark drew Bella downstairs for some privacy, with a promise of a massage and some playtime of their own.

Knowing that Bella was not completely on board with what could happen, my body was not responding, despite Tanya's best abilities. We had the condom on, she even managed to keep me hard enough to get inside her, but I could not stay up. It did not feel right without my wife being part of the experience. Making love had turned into fucking, something I was not willing to do. It felt too close to cheating under the guise of polyamory.

After a frustrating conversation, or lack their of, with accusations being tossed around, Mark and Tanya left. Tanya's call in tears to Jasper sent him over to us and we were up until two or three in the morning having a discussion about open communication. Some days, his training as a relationship counselor really pisses me off. Most of the time, however, his advice has been invaluable. It is as if he can read Bella and I better than we can ourselves, and then offers us ways of coping with our problems but does not tell us how to directly solve them.

“What do you think the workshop will be like, Edward?” Bella had woken up a few minutes ago and was sipping on the McDonald's sweet tea I had picked up for her about thirty miles back. She had not even stirred as I placed an order for our lunch. It was only as I finished my own food and drink, the sound of air being drawn up through the straw, that woke her.

Jasper and Alice are holding a “poly meet and greet” at PSG this year during a workshop slot. He has not said too much more about it other than the other poly attendees will have various makeups. Bisexuals as well as hetero and homosexuals will be in attendance, and that does not even go into the V's, W's, line-marriages, non-fidelity based relationships, triads, quads, and more.

Alice did tell Bella that primarily at PSG you see triads from the groups practicing poly-fidelity, much like the relationship she and Jasper have with Maria. Maria is currently stationed in Iraq on her third tour and it is incredibly difficult for them to be apart from her. They met and fell for her, hard, last year at a Many Loves conference out on the West coast. Weekly email exchanges turned into daily phone calls. They drove up to Great Lakes to see her as often as possible, and Maria would bring a bus or train down to their house as well. After our failed attempt with Alice and Jasper, we were so incredibly happy to see them find someone.

When she gave them the news they had been dreading, we were there to hold all three of them as they cried. We are also the first they call each time Jasper or Alice gets a call from Maria, and they always forward on any emails. It is a blessing to be here and help them through a difficult separation, and to be the physical labor for Alice as she plans a welcome home party for Maria.

I think in this, however, I understand Maria better. We'd had a conversation late one night about how she would rather just come home, walk barefoot across the carpet and then onto the cold tile of the kitchen floor. She said that there is nothing like making yourself a simple egg and cheese sandwich after months on duty. Alice of course, will not listen, and Jasper is too worried to care about any particulars until his and Alice's third is back in their arms.

Bella repeated her question, seeing that I'd become lost in thought.

“I think that having a week to camp with like-minded individuals is more than enough for me. Having a two hour time slot to meet others who practice polyamory will be more than my mind can handle. I hope that if nothing else, we can make more friends to keep in contact with.” Our own conversations regarding our relationship and preferences have taken place so many times since that first kiss that we know each other inside and out, at least where loving others is concerned.

Bella nodded and smiled, offering me one of her fries. In my peripheral vision, I watched her carefully dip the fry into the opened packet of ketchup and then press it against my lips. A small giggle made me turn my head.

“You have some ketchup on your face. It makes you look like a messy vampire.”

I rolled my eyes and used my fingertip to wipe up the ketchup before reaching over and dabbing it on her nose. Bella's squeal was worth the honk the driver behind us gave as I swerved slightly onto the shoulder.

The rest of our drive, four hours until we reached Athens, was spent playing an improvised version of Name That Tune on my iPod. Bella would queue up a song, play the first five seconds, and I had to tell her which song and the artist.   After I picked out a song by the Decemberists, Bella gave up trying to best me.

She flipped through the stations we could get in, wrinkling her nose up at the numerous NPR shows she came across. Eventually, we settled on a station playing music from the eighties and early nineties, singing along as we simply enjoyed being with one another. Moments like these made the long hours during the school year worthwhile.

We spent the night in Athens, although I constantly felt as if my brain was on overload. The Athens Asylum, now part of the college campus, has been listed as one of the most haunted places in the Midwest. I would believe it. All night long, I was imagining whispers on the wind, voices calling out to me that only I could hear.

At dawn, the earliest acceptable time, I bolted for the shower and then down to get us a tray from the breakfast buffet. Bella showered quickly, eating as she packed up our overnight bag. I cranked up the air conditioning so that we could enjoy being too cold for a few moments before heading out into the already warming morning.

The drive to the campgrounds was down several country roads, and if it wasn't for the hand drawn map that the organizers send out, we'd have been lost. Our cellphones stopped working within ten minutes once we left the highway and I suddenly felt all of my stress leave me. We had a week away from Mundania. My parents along with Esme and Carlisle had the campground's emergency number, but that was it. We were technology free for seven days.

We had been some of the first to arrive and had to wait behind an old metal gate, more rust than anything else at this point. At half past seven, a gate attendant made his way up from the security building, dressed with a sarong about his hips and his pentacle clearly on display.

“Welcome home, my friends.”

The rest of the morning went much the same. We went through check in, the few awake people greeting us with one hand, the other firmly holding onto their mugs of coffee, a smile, and the greeting of 'welcome home.' Bella and I dropped our gear off by our tent after Alice came running out to the Trailblazer Bella had insisted on us getting.

She was undressed, a simple silver chain with a red metal rosebud hanging about her hips. Her only other covering were the hard soled shoes upon her feet, no heels, and they stood out sharply against her thin legs. I blushed and fought to keep my eyes on her face, promptly making her smirk.

“They're just tits, Edward; it isn't like you haven't seen them before. You'd better get used to it, sky clad is the norm back where we're camping. Come on- we're down the path into the woods.”

She hadn't been kidding. It took us five minutes to dump our gear on the side of the path, thirty to run it back into the woods to our tent, and then we drove down to the parking area past Rainbow Camp. It was at least eighty five degrees by this point, so I took off my shirt and left it in the car. Bella was in a white simple smocked sleeveless dress that floated around making her look like a fey creature.

We passed the childcare area as we were turning the bend back into the wooded camping, and I saw him. He was tall, probably had three or four inches on me, easily half again my weight, and was built. He was wearing a white tank top and a pair of khaki shorts, well-worn sandals were caked in mud upon his feet. I stood there, watching him swing a small boy up with one arm and promptly flipped him upside down over his back.

“Daddy-eee!” The child's yelp went on for a while, tiny fists pounding into his father's back.

“Emmett McCarty, put Chase down now!”

A striking blonde, as beautiful as a super model, came out of a pop-up camper, a box of juice pouches under one arm. She stared him down until the boy was set upon his feet, face red from laughter and mock-indignation.

“Mommy! Can I have a juice?”

They were together, which made him- or rather them- even better in my mind. He was a family man. Bella tugged on my hand, pulling me from my sudden ogling of the man. I had never been interested in Jasper or even in Mark. They had kissed me, but I had not felt anything beyond lips touching. With them, my eyes had never drifted to the zipper placket and wondered what was hidden beneath, yet with this mountain of a man, I found myself wanting not only to see but to taste. I had long since identified myself as bisexual, but had not found the right real-life man.

I stuck my hands into my pockets to adjust myself as we turned onto our path into the woods. Bella looked at me oddly and then smiled. In our time together, she had learned the meaning behind each small movement I make.

“The blonde?”

I shook my head.

“I thought she was pretty.” Bella's voice had taken on a sing-song tone as she walked backwards so that she could face me. “Who were you looking at who caused this?” As Bella spoke, her hand drifted down to rest upon my crotch, giving me a gentle squeeze which caused my knees to go weak. She giggled and danced away as I stalked towards her.

We made it back to our campsite and I finished setting up our cook stove while Bella unrolled our air mattress and filled it with the solar powered pump. After she had jumped onto the bed, giving it the “bounce test,” Bella pronounced it ready. While she made up the bed, I sat down in my camp chair, enjoying the first of many bottles of the generic lemon/lime electrolyte replenisher Bella had bought for us. Apparently, buying a new tent and camping gear had taken more of a dent in our budget than we had anticipated and we were determined to make it through the summer without dipping into our savings or accepting my parents' help.

A low moan drew my attention to Alice and Jasper's tent, just feet from ours. Through the open window, I could see Jasper's bare back, the shadows of the trees and his tent hiding the scattering of scars from my view. A few giggles later, they emerged, both looking a little flushed. Alice ran for the outdoor rinse off shower while Jasper just poured a bottle of water over his head.

Jasper looked up at me, a sheepish grin upon his face, and gave me a wink before he tied the shoes he had just barely slipped on.    “Edward, are you ready to meet and greet some of the best people I've had the privilege of knowing?”

“Yeah. It can not be any stranger than the Chicago meet ups, probably easier since we at least have religion in common as well as our relationships.”

Jasper nodded and then folded up his camp chair. “We're down in Hickory Grove; you will want to spray yourself down with repellant or you'll be eaten alive.”

After taking his advice, I grabbed mine and Bella's chairs, shouldering the attached carry straps while she came out with our workshop bag. It contained two notebooks, a handful of pens and pencils, two bottles of water, and the stack of cards we printed with our shared email address and a picture of us.

We followed Jasper down the path leading deeper into the woods, Bella holding onto Alice's arm as she tried to avoid tripping over exposed roots. We made it to the clearing with only one stumble, possibly a record for Bella, and set up our chairs. As Jasper was the facilitator for the workshop, we were the first ones to arrive so we grabbed the best spots; we'd be shaded the entire time instead of finding ourselves in the sun halfway through.

Several others began to file down the path to the Grove. A triad composed of two women and a man, were the first to enter. One of the women had on fairy wings, a layered skirt, and nothing else. They introduced themselves as Oberon, Titania, and Mab, which admittedly caused Bella to fight a fit of giggles.

There was a rather self-assured “doctor” who used the label of polyamory to make his wandering eyes okay with his wife. Given what a douche he was, my guess is that his wife was just glad for him to be away from home more often. He sat next to a couple who looked lost. Josh and Silver Moon were interested in polyamory, to find out about it, and talk with those who practice it.

We were just segueing into the discussion after our introductions when we heard more voices and heavy footfalls echoing through the woods.

“Hey, Jazz-man! Sorry, we're late. Our relief at childcare didn't show and we had to send a runner after two workers.”

Jealousy surged through me as I watched Jasper stand up and give Emmett a hug as he walked into the circle of chairs. I have never been the truly jealous type except for when I met Bella and had to deal with a few of the other single teachers hit on her. When my long time best friend turned and hugged Emmett's wife, it was as if red overlaid my vision. I wanted to be the one holding the two of them.

Part of me was responding to the two of them as if they belonged to Bella and me. It went beyond lust; it was more of a recognition or love at first sight. Jasper scooted his chair over, pulling Alice's with him, and indicated for us to scoot the other direction. It was as if he could sense what I was feeling and was trying either to embarrass or help me.

I felt my cheeks heat as Emmett sat down beside me, his legs splaying wide. He just took up space. He turned to me, his hand out in offering, “hey there, I'm Emmett.”   

His hand was hot as it closed around mine. It took a moment for me to remember my own name. I was lost in his blue eyes.

“Wow, your eyes are really green. Cool. Rosie's,” he paused put his other arm around his wife, “are purple, like Elizabeth Taylor's.”

Emmett smiled at me, his dimples popping deep into his cheeks.   With that, my heart made room for another. Now if my mind could just reconcile with my feelings and lust, we'd be fine.