BPOV
“Mom,” was all I whispered as I held Esme tight against me and her hand went to the small of my back. Esme held me and breathed deep as if trying to memorize my scent, to keep it in her mind forever. Edward wrapped his arms around both of us, his chin resting on top of my head as he pressed his lips into Esme's hair. We stood there until we heard Carlisle on the stairs and we broke apart to enter the home and the four of us held each other and let our grief go unspoken.
I looked to Edward as the embrace ended and he knew me well enough to know what I wanted. “They're upstairs. You take Jasper, I'll take Emmett.” I brushed my lips against my parents' cheeks before making the sad climb up the stairs, stairs I had last climbed to ransack Alice's closet for Renesmee's backpack. Edward just pushed the door open and went into Emmett and Rose's room while I rapped my knuckles lightly on the door to Jasper's study. I knew he wouldn't be in their room; there would be too much pain.
Silence. I turned the knob, happy to see it unlocked, for I would have gone in regardless, and this made less work for Esme later. Jasper was draped across the chair under the window, a book on his lap, a paper in his hand, just staring at the wall.
Jasper looked up as I approached and closed his eyes before tilting his head toward the floor. I knelt beside him and laid my head onto his chest, holding him was impossible due to how he was laying in the chair. Jasper radiated numbness, his pain too far gone to feel much more. I stayed there until he shifted, sliding to the floor with me, his arms around me as he whispered repeatedly to me, to himself, to the world.
“She's gone. My Alice is gone.” His arms pulled me tighter after his seventy third repetition and then he went silent. I shifted onto my back and dragged him with me so that his head was over where my heart had been and I stroked his hair back and whispered things such as, “I know,” “I'm sorry,” and “I'm here. Let it out.” The words were unimportant, being there was what he needed. I could hear Edward next door giving Emmett a pep talk, making sure he knew that the traitors were long dead, and how he had to pull it together to help take of Nessie for Rose, that he had to live for Rose, that she won't want him to follow after. I opened my mouth to say something similar to Jasper but the words wouldn't come. Maybe I knew that this was what he needed more. I just held him and whispered into his blond waves. I held him much like Jake had held me as I cried over Edward.
I could be his and Emmett's personal sun. I would help piece them together, I'd be the glue that held them as whole as they could be. I heard the door open behind me and knew that Edward wanted to speak with Jasper. I hugged him tighter before slowly gaining my feet and exiting the room. Edward ran his fingertips down my cheek as I passed, his heart in his eyes, the small token of affection he could afford to give me in his mourning brother's presence.
“Hey, big brother,” escaped my lips before I could think of what I should say as I walked into the red and pink satin draped room. He looked up from the bed to me and gave a fake smile, probably expecting another peptalk. I kicked off my shoes and crawled across the bed and hugged him, much as I had to Jasper. He held me for a minute before sitting up. Emmett chuckled deep in his chest and sat up, pulling me with him.
“I don't think she'd like another woman in our bed, even if it was my little sister.” His laugh became forced as it mixed with more crying. His eyes searched the room, probably trying to find something safe to look at. The mirrors reflected that he was alone, the bed where he had shared so much with her, their chairs and loveseat. He finally settled on the tv, a miniature of the one in the living room, with only one game system set up. Inspiration hit.
“Emm... wanna see if you can kick my ass at Toxic Grind now? You sure couldn't when I was a human. Maybe I'll break the controller or I won't remember the trick moves.” His face lit up, a little bit of the boyishness surfacing. Emmett's husky frame was off the bed and into the chair by the tv in a flash, the controller in hand and my chair swiveled for me before the game had finished loading. I won the first round, the bike trick combinations easier to perform with faster reflexes although I lost the second match because I cracked the controller, still too strong and unused to dealing with such a fragile piece of equipment. His loud celebratory “Whooop Whooop” sounded through the house. It was a forced response, but it was the best I could expect for years.
Edward and Jasper must have heard the noise and were standing the doorway watching Emmett do his victory dance before Edward held out his hand, beckoning me over. I curled into his chest, smelling the sweet honey and cinnamon scent of my soulmate and let it wash over me along with his love. I felt a short wave of jealousy from Jasper, quickly replaced with pain and remorse before he locked it away again. I petted his arm before slipping between them and downstairs. I sunk down into the couch, listening to Esme consoling Kate on the loss of her sisters and asking what she is planning. Carmen and Eleazar were the only others to remain, the nomads having gone their way as the fight dispersed. The boys joined me, Edward pulling me into his lap as his brothers sat on the couch across from us. No words were spoken, but I could read Edward's face, the flickers of pain he couldn't quite prevent nor erase as his brothers' thoughts swept through him.
We must have sat there for hours. It was dusk when Esme and Carlisle joined us, squeezing in next to Edward and me. Emmett broke the silence asking when Jake would bring back Nessie.
“I don't know Em. I wasn't expecting us to still stand if a fight occurred. I left enough money for Jake to keep them comfortable for some time. Assuming he listened to me, they are well on their way to Rio De Janeiro. Safe. I didn't think to send my cell with them.” I dropped my head to Edward's shoulder and tried to steady my now panicked breathing.
“I have to get her back. I need my little girl back in my arms. She's my heart, my life, she needs to be home.” Edward was rubbing soothing circles on my lower back, trying to calm me, before Jasper brought his gift to bear upon me, my unneeded breathing slowing to a norm, my emotions settling into a numbness, an echo of his own. I attempted a small smile at him before he excused himself for the night. He needed some time to himself. As he entered the hall, Carlisle finally spoke what we all felt.
“Jasper, you are still my son and are welcome here, even without her. I know this wasn't the life you would have chosen, but we love you and if you'll have us, we'd love to have you here. You've lost your mate, the pain will never be erased, you'll always feel that emptiness, but it will become easier in time. Let us help you when you're ready.” Carlisle seemed placated by Jasper's stiff nod before turning to the stairs and climbing to his room. His numbness still filled me so I guess he was sweeping it through everyone.
His absence left the room feeling empty, a void without Alice's laughter, Rosalie and Emmett wrapped up in each other's presence, without Renesmee playing with her toys. Her new toys, stacking peek-a-blocks, were still littered the floor behind the couches, the recently designated play area. I could see her drawing table covered in crayons from her last “color making” as she described in my head. I remembered Edward sitting on his heels while our little girl had one hand on his cheek, one hand on a crayon as she showed him what she wanted him to draw with her. Without remembering having left his lap, I found myself putting away her toys into their bins, awaiting her return. She'd probably be too old for them by the time I got her home, if we found them at all.
I jumped as I felt Edward's arms go around my waist, lifting me from my crouch to press against his chest, his cheek against mine. “I miss her too, love. We'll leave soon to bring her home where she belongs. She'll be sleeping in her room in the cottage, growing up before our eyes, and we'll have to deal with Jake's smell and his thoughts, but for her we'll get through everything. You gave me the greatest gift by bringing her into our lives, and I'm not letting us be separated now for more than necessary. You and Nessie are my reason for existence, and I'll never let us be parted again. It will take Jacob a few days to get them there and more time to feel comfortable enough to come out of hiding. We'll get to them in a few weeks even though every minute is a moment too long.
"Let's give us time to wash away the physical evidence before we bring her home.” I could hear the pain in his voice as he tried to be strong for me. Even as his heart was breaking, Edward tried to hide it so he could be my strength. The shaking of his chest and breaking of his voice was enough to show that he was hurting as much as I. She truly was Daddy's little girl and all the fighting we had before she was born was gone. He loved her completely, one of his greatest regrets of losing his humanity granted to him and, as he often said, the best thing I could have ever provided for him besides loving him, monster and all.
“Bella, love, I don't know if I can deal with being in our cabin until she's back. I don't know if you can. Perhaps we can stay here until she's home. It's not like we sleep, and we still have clothing here in my closet.” I turned into his arms and nodded before setting my head on his chest, Edward's arms holding me safely against him. He murmured sweet nothings, words of comfort, his frozen breath tickling my neck, my hands instinctively going into his hair and pulling his lips to mine while the familiar shivers started as his lips grazed my ear when he whispered.
The rest had returned to their own rooms as we stood there, moonlight shining through the windows, our hope of a future the fragile thread holding us all together. Renesmee would keep us bound throughout the lifetimes of pain ahead as we healed from the loss we sustained last night. He picked me up into his arms and took me upstairs so we could provide a balm to the wounds inflicted upon our souls.
EPOV
I carried Bella up the stairs to my room, our room now, and laid her on the couch. I started the stereo with one of her additions to my collection and turned to look at my wife. The moonlight reflected on her alabaster skin, and I could briefly imagined the warm blush across her cheeks from me looking upon her beautiful form. I'm glad that she felt as I did that our home wasn't our home without Nessie's beautiful brown eyes and laughter filling the rooms. The fireplace had nothing on the warmth she provided to our lives. Bella's hair fanned beneath her head upon the arm of the couch, her eyes on me, her husband. My wife, my wife! The thought of it still stirred my long silent heart. Even with the grief we sustained, I felt another stirring, a different thirst, one only quenched by my dearest Bella. The few months we've had to this day as husband and wife have been filled with so much love, I finally understood the ever present impure thoughts of those around us. The physical act, such intimacy, is mind blowing.
I loosened my belt and started to release the buttons of my shirt when Bella stood and crossed the room to me. She looked into my eyes, hers deepest black as her desire ignited flames matching mine. Bella's slim fingers coaxed the buttons free and slipped one hand inside the shirt onto my chest, a slight hiss escaping my lips before they claimed hers. My patience gone, I pulled free for a moment to pull my shirt over my head as she mirrored my action and yanked her dress up, standing before me in green lace, her hair trailing over her shoulders, a silken waterfall draping her breasts. There are no words for the beauty she holds over me, she astounds me with every flex of her muscles, her breath stretching her ribcage, denting lightly under my grasp as I pull her back to me. Our kiss was less gentle, our bodies pressed tightly, her panties and my pants separating us.
Bella's breath caught in her chest as I undid the clasp of her bra, slid the silk straps over her ams, and trailed my lips and tongue in the same path.
“Edward, please. I need you. Help me forget, just for a little while.”
The purring started in my chest as she pulled me back to her lips, and I lowered the zipper on my pants, each tooth clicking loose until the fabric pooled at my feet. I carried her to the bed, the bed I proposed to her on, and settled her onto the coverlet before removing my boxers and kneeling over her to liberate her hips and heat from the damp lace. The warm musky scent of our arousal filled the room, and strengthened my lust for her. I could feel my erection straining towards her and knew that tonight would not be the gentle love-making we normally took part in. The coupling would be loving, yes, but it would be hard as we lost ourself in each other. Her hand trailed down my chest before clasping around my length, her eyes locking on mine as she bit her lip, always my downfall. I crashed my lips to hers, one arm going under her, and the other to the apex of her thighs, my fingers tracing where I longed to be. I slid a finger gently into her opening, the bucking of her hips combined with the moisture enough to shatter the slim hold on my desire. I lowered myself to her and lost myself within her depths.
It was only moments after we lay spent next to one another when I could hear my father and Esme locked in a similar embrace, their thoughts tuned solely on each other. Our own desire sated, my mind picked up on the other thoughts. Emmett felt lost, he heard the sounds of our sexual encounter and was reliving past memories he and Rosalie had shared. His desire for her was eternal and no one would compare to what she had made him feel. Yet he reveled in our lust and pleasured himself with Rose's image locked in his mind's eye. It was Jasper's thoughts that brought me out of my haze. He not only had to deal with the sounds, but our emotions. Jasper could feel our bond, our love, and the lust and desire we had unconsciously thrown off from the living room to our bedroom. The release we found in each other's arms, the ecstasy only she has ever brought me, brought his pain to a pinnacle as I spilled my venom within her.
BPOV
Edward seemed distracted in the moments after our love-making, his face having lost the serenity our joining had given him. The sex itself was amazing as always but it did little but delay our memories of Alice and Rosalie. The sound of a slamming door echoed to my enhanced hearing and footsteps sounded on the floor beneath ours before accessing the stairs to the main floor. A second door sounded and then quiet resumed. I looked to my husband, at his eyebrows knitting together, his jaw tight before he tucked it into my shoulder and releasing his breath in a forced sigh of “Jasper.” I crawled out from under his head and threw on my dress, running for the door.
“He wants to be alone, love. Let him go. He'll be back. He heard us and felt us as well as Carlisle and Esme. It was too much to feel the emotions as well as hear our acts. Let's clean up and head downstairs. He'll need us when he returns. Come shower with me.” Edward grasped my hand and I let him pull me to the shower, a new bottle of my strawberry shampoo on the rack. He started the water before taking hold of the hem and tracing his hands up my sides, his thumbs dragging the fabric up my body until it cleared my head to fall behind me as he lifted me into the shower with him.
A/N: This was my very first lemon. *cringe* I certainly hope they've improved since then. I really wanted to rewrite it, but the responses on Twitter were to leave it as is.
Friday, October 23, 2009
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