Chapter 6: Yuletide December 24, 2008
I sat back on the couch with a glass of wine while Bella and Rosalie trimmed the tree with the girls. Chase had fallen asleep on Emmett's chest during the game. I honestly couldn't tell you who was playing as I was too busy watching my two beautiful women ooh and ahh over ornaments.
Physically, Bella was mostly healed from the miscarriage. The doctors said it was so early that her body had not been affected adversely. Doctor Eleazar likened it onto an extremely heavy yet short term period with a week of spotting after. Regardless, it did not change the emotional effects upon us both.
The first time we came up to Rosalie and Emm's afterward, Bella broke into tears when Chase ran up to her for a hug. Outside of the one instance though, and a few emotional moments at home, Bella was bouncing back. We have talked about the miscarriage, as well as our thoughts for future attempts, and we have even gone to speak with Jasper about it. While his specialty is in couples' therapy, he's also dealt extensively in how parenthood and loss filter into the relationship spectrum.
Through it all, Rosalie was Bella's biggest help, for which I was both angry and thankful. She was a blessing in that Bella would let her in when all she wanted to do was cry. But I felt shut out, even though Bella would talk to me, it was not the same. I wanted her to come to me about things, not Rosalie.
In my pocket, my hand felt for the the envelope containing tickets to the game for Emmett, concert for Rosalie, and to the museum for Bella. Each envelope also had a second ticket with my name. I wanted to try harder by splitting my time more equally with my three loves.
For the children, I had cds of music I had performed and recorded for them; each had a song composed specifically for him or her. It was something special only I could give them. The four of us had all chipped in and paid for a night at the Milwaukee Hilton over New Years where we were hoping we could take things to the next step.
Physically, we had kissed and touched a bit, but had not progressed beyond some mild exploration beneath clothing. Emmett and I had shared a little more with one another, and we are fairly certain the girls have as well, but it is much harder for us to hide our reactions to kissing.
Emmett teased me about my piercings, offering to make a bet with me to see what else I could get pierced. That led to a discussion on piercings and then our cocks. Apparently, he was not circumcised. A beer or two later on our evening in at the loft while the girls had a night at Emm and Rose's ended with us sitting on the couch watching porn.
Our thighs were touching, but otherwise we did not so much as look directly at one another while we took care of our needs. I came first and had cleaned myself off with a tissue when Emmett pulled me over into a kiss. His hand continued to stroke his cock while our lips asked silent permission for what we did not yet dare speak aloud.
My hand traversed the taut muscles of his chest and down to rest on his abdomen. Fingers bumped fingers and then my hand was atop his. Within a minute he had reached his own climax, both our hands covered in the warm droplets.
I wiped us both clean with another tissue. Emmett continued the kiss, pushing me back into the couch until his weight was pleasantly too much for me to bear. We fell asleep like that, half spooning with him partway on top of me, waking when Bella came home.
Emmett had come to bed with us that night, curled up behind Bella, his arm stretching over her to rest upon my side. As sexually exciting as our foray had been, for me it had a much stronger emotional impact. The sharing of sensation, being within his personal space, and having the love flowing through our touches was much better than any orgasm.
The next morning, Bella and I had gotten up to make coffee and after I divulged our step forward, her cheeks reddened. She shared her own secret that she and Rose had waxed one another and then let their fingers massage in the soothing lotion a little too fully from what we had previously agreed upon.
We had rules for our sexual activity. Until the four of us were in bed together, hopefully at New Years, we were limited to hands on the outside of clothing below the waist. Apparently, we had broken that rule on the same day but did come clean about it. When Emmett heard, first his mind latched onto the image of our women waxing and secondly to the activities following.
~*~
After the tree was decorated, Emmett settled Chase onto the couch and we went out to their backyard. Rosalie and Emmett had saved a large chunk of last year's tree for the Yule log and we had several minutes with a saw awaiting us. Emmett hefted the large section of trunk up onto the brace and we took turns with the saw although he had far more experience and strength.
Rose had tucked in Chase while we were out and the girls were picking out the best of the cookies for Santa Claus. Bella sat out mugs of hot mulled cider for us to warm up with. We all laughed as the twins squealed. Emm was shaking the snow off his hair onto them.
Emmett and I put the logs in the hearth and started our Yule fire. Having one to share with loved ones made the holiday even more special to us. We had moved from friends to almost family in six months.
The six of us sat down to watch the
Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. Bella had Kailey sitting between her feet and Rose had Cara. The two women sat there playing with the girls' hair, making elaborate braids which were promptly finger combed out and started once again.
The girls began to doze off just before the Council of Immortals bestowed the mantle of immortality on Santa. We sat there with the television off after the recording ended, the flicker of the fire casting a warm glow upon the room. There were no lights on the tree, but there were ribbons, nuts, some small gold coins like one would use on a belly dancing skirt, some hand made ornaments,and the yearly store-bought ones they bought to signify the past year.
Near midnight, Rose stretched and then pulled herself up off the couch and went into the kitchen. I heard some rummaging before she came out with a large department store box. Inside were four ornaments. There was a ceramic school house with Chase's kindergarten picture in it. Emmett took that one to hang up. Rose and Bella took the girls' ornaments. Then Emmett handed me one. It was a small silver frame with a picture of the four of us on one side, the seven of us (including the children) on the other. The year, two thousand and eight, was written in a fancy script beneath. Above were the words, “Love comes in many forms.”
I stood, with my arm around Bella's waist as I hung the ornament on a strong branch at eye level. The four of us were gathered in a group hug, the symbols of this year and our wishes for the next watching over us. The lilac scent of Rosalie's perfume was sweet as my nose picked it out from among the smell of the fire, Emmett's aftershave, and the fresh pine of this year's Yule tree.
I kissed Rose's forehead and she gave me a smile, tilting her face up for a kiss.
“Happy Yule, Edward,” she whispered as our lips came together. Rosalie's kisses were not quite as full of passion like Bella's or Emmett's, but the love was always there.
Her hands were cold as they slid beneath my sweater and I felt our spouses break the hug to make their own holiday greetings. Rosalie's hips pushed against mine briefly and then again, guiding me to the couch. I let her lead as I stepped backwards; my sweater and t shirt were bunched up on Rosalie's wrists as her hands moved to my chest. I cupped her ass as I lowered us to the couch, and her legs moved to straddle me.
“I think they found some mistletoe, Bellaboo.”
I smiled against Rosalie's lips as I heard Emmett use his nickname for Bella.
Rosalie's lips released mine, her breath coming out in a gasp as Bella playfully nipped at the exposed skin of her neck. The four of us ended up on the floor, kissing, biting, touching, until the fire's light began to dim. Emmett reached for the button closure on my fly and popped them free like an expert.
As his hand closed around me, my breathing caught and I could not stop the panic attack that hit me.
What if this ruins everything? I love them. What if this is too fast? What if I fuck things up with them? Will it destroy what I have with Bella? What if? What if? What if?
My mind was in overdrive and the weight of our decisions came raining down on me.
What if we have kids and they are ridiculed in school because they have two moms and two dads? Would we want to live in the same house? What if I got Rose pregnant? Or Emmett with Bella? So many things we had not talked about yet.
I mumbled something about the bathroom and quickly shed my clothes as soon as I was behind the door. My mind does not actually recall the walk from the living room to the main floor guest bath. I needed to shower. I needed to try and scrub my mind free of all the thoughts.
Washing my hair only filled the room with the scent of Emmett and made my heart sink. We had finally rounded that corner into our loving relationship also being sexual, and I had bailed on them. I had done the one thing Jasper told me not to do.
Never walk away when you can talk it out.
I could count how many times I have cried in the past four years on one hand, and here I was crying yet again. My legs grew weak and I let myself slide down the wall until I was seated on the buttercup yellow finish on the ceramic tub. I drew my knees up into my chest and let my tears fall while I stared through bleary eyes at the smiling sunflower Rosalie had hand-painted on the bottom of the tub.
The doorknob turned with the jingling of the bells hanging on the handle. I stood as the door opened, rinsing my hair quickly. My eyes closed of their own volition, my unconscious protecting me from seeing who had entered. I did not want to know, not yet. I could not face their disappointment.
The sliding glass door opened, I sensed someone join me in the shower, and the door closed. When not a word was uttered, I turned around to face my company. My eyes were even with Emmett's mouth, water cascading over his still clothed form. I looked up to meet his eyes and fear went through me. The fire in his eyes was not born of love or lust.
Emmett's right hand flattened against the shower wall, his left going up to wipe the water out of his eyes. I focused on the wedding band upon his left ring finger, the small diamond chip set into the gold caught the light as his fingers flexed. The muscles rippled in his forearm, exuding the silent power that was quintessentially Emmett.
He looked at me, and the fierce gaze of his blue eyes softened. His thumb brushed away one of my angry tears before he licked off the salty drop. Desire once again pooled in my stomach, my body responding to the raw sexuality he possessed.
“If you don't want me,
like that; if you don't want me sexually, you need to tell me now. More lives than ours could be fucked up if you can't figure out what you want. When the four of us met, I saw you looking at me. What do you want?”
My eyes drifted to his face. From the dark curls which were almost black as water clung to them in crystal droplets, the hard set of his jaw with a hint of stubble on it, to the clearly delineated v of his hips, visible beneath the wet t shirt, he was sex personified. I was jealous that Rosalie, his wife, could enjoy looking at him every day, like this, minus the wet shirt. She has enough laundry with their three children to have him soaked each day.
“Emm, I...” I shook my head. “I... haven't thought about what I want.”
His hand turned into a fist and then released. “Dammit, Edward, that is not an answer. You can tell me that you want me, or you don't. Hell, you can even tell me that you're scared. But don't you dare think I'm stupid enough to accept that you haven't thought about it. Your cock is fucking hard as hell, even while your mind tries to reconcile what is going on. I get that. I do. The first time Rosie and I were with another couple, I wasn't exactly sure what was happening to me.”
His hand came up and rested on my bare shoulder. “Edward, I let things go a lot further than they should have then. I ruined what could have been with Kate and Garrett. Sleeping with him was wonderful, but I wasn't ready for it yet. If you tell me you aren't ready, that's fine. I can wait. It is just sex. What I feel for you, and for Bella, has nothing to do with you here,” the backs of his fingers gently brushed against my cock before moving up to rest over my rapidly beating heart, “and everything do with right here.”
“Now, I love you and Rosalie loves you, but we're sure as hell not going to let you play us as you figure out what you want. Our kids come first. Period. Then each other. Then the two of you. I'm giving you just one chance to tell me what is going on in your head. If you cannot be honest with me, here and now, maybe this is all a mistake.”
I looked up into those eyes and my heart ached. This was the man I had grown to love. He had been there for me when no one else knew how to be. Emmett and Rose love Bella and me far more than we probably deserve... and I'd just treated their feelings, especially his, like shit.
I crumpled beneath that gaze and resumed my position on the floor, my knees up. “What if?”
He shoved the shower head aside and then dropped to his knees in front of me. “'What if' what, Edward?”
“What if this doesn't work out? What if I fuck things up?”
Emmett pulled off his shirt and awkwardly slid his pants down until he was kneeling in just a pair of briefs. He tossed them out onto the floor and closed the shower dower quickly.
“Well, by running in here you messed up pretty well, I think. People fuck up, even those in a normal relationship. We will be no different except that there are four people needing to work at communication, commitment, and honesty. Why did you run from me, Edward?”
I took a deep breath and dropped my forehead onto my knees. “You are going to think this is stupid. I panicked. I did not know if we were moving too fast, where things were going, or what was going to happen in the morning. What happens if Bella and I have kids and they are ridiculed at school because they have two moms and two dads? What do we do if, when, that two hour drive is too much? Because, Emm, I'm scared. I cannot lose the two of you any more than I could stand to lose Bella.”
Fingers pressed against my cheeks and encouraged me to look up. Emmett was just inches from my face.
“I do not have all the answers, Edward. No one does. Hell, Rosalie and I could be in an accident tomorrow and I could be dead while she's left partially paralyzed. Then what? I can tell you that I would not trust my kids with anyone but you and Bella. I trust that you love Rosalie, Chase, Kay, and Care-bear enough that you would be here to help.”
“But there are two more people in our puzzle. I bet they might have some answers. If you look in your heart, you do too. Between the four of us, I am pretty sure we can work it all out. But first, you need to know what you want from us. Do you know?”
We sat listening to the water hitting the wall and running down, mist clinging to our lashes. I thought about what he said, how he was after my heart, not my body. But I knew he was attracted to me and I was to him. I considered the moments leading up to my panicked escape and then backtracked to my prior experiences with men.
“Outside of some brief touches, what you and I have done, that is as far as I've gone with another man. I am scared that I won't be any good for you.”
His arms came around me, tugging until I fell forward onto my knees. We clung to one another as if the shower water was a maelstrom blowing around us while we floated in a wildly churning ocean, not kneeling in an inch of water.
“Edward, I am not expecting you,
or Bella for that matter, to get me off in five minutes like Rosalie can. We have been together for most of our lives. She knows every trick in the book. But there is something special about those first touches, the forays into learning one another, that experience cannot match. You might find a special way of gripping me that she cannot duplicate, or perhaps the calluses on your fingers from playing your guitar will make me come unglued. On the other hand, Rosalie may find a way of kissing you as her nails run gently along your cock, and it will make you shiver with desire. I will be jealous that she is the one doing that to you. Then, I will get over it and resume kissing Bella, Rosalie, and/ or you. Jealousy is not bad when we react to it properly.”
~*~
We stood and Emmett took off the briefs; wet as they were, the white fabric had not been hiding anything. He reached around me for the soap and worked it into a lather between his hands. “Turn.”
I obeyed his simple command and Emmett rewarded me by washing my back, massaging gently as he rubbed the clean scent of sandalwood soap into my skin. He washed down my back, his fingers slipping between the globes of my ass briefly and then turning me around so that the water rinsed me. The momentary touch of his finger against my entrance had caused my heart to pulse a little faster.
Emmett lathered his hands again and laved my front, the suds creating swirls on my flesh. He was no more or less thorough in his cleansing of my cock as he had been any other part of me, yet my cock was unaware of the distinction and swelled at his touch. By the time he had moved on to soap my thighs, my cock was standing proudly, the tip resting against my stomach.
After the soap was rinsed, Emmett kissed my lips one, chastely, and then bent, delivering the same kiss upon the head of my cock before he reached around me to turn off the water. It was not sexual, it was loving. Emmett kissed my chest as he regained his feet. He reached outside of the shower for a towel and dried me off roughly before wrapping it around my hips.
“Remember, we love you for what you have inside here.” Both hands came up to rest over my heart. “You just happen to have a rather nice package that I will enjoy physically loving in the future. But not until we are all ready for that point to be crossed.”
The girls had already put out the remaining embers of the fire and cleaned up the mess while we were in the shower. I looked into the guest room but Bella was not in bed there. Emmett flipped on the light switch in the room and motioned towards my overnight bag.
“Get your pants on and come down to our room. The bed is bigger.”
He stood in the doorway as I pulled out a pair of hunter green and black plaid flannel pants and a black t shirt. I kept the shirt folded but carried it down the hall, following behind him. We climbed the three cream carpeted stairs to the super king sized bed that dominated the nine by nine square platform against the back wall.
Emmett climbed in on the left side of the bed and I heard Bella make a small giggle. He leaned over her to kiss Rose and then nuzzled Bella's neck. I slid beneath the sheets and Rosalie turned over to rest her head upon my chest.
“Did the two of you work out what was wrong?”
I nodded and was opening my mouth to speak when Emmett answered. “Yeah. Although we need to all sit down and talk about the future before we get into bed in a less innocent manner. Normally, I would suggest we do it now, but I am physically and emotionally beat. Tomorrow is going to be here quickly and the four of us need to power nap so we are ready for the toy explosion in the morning. Rose is making a big breakfast for us; although I will still need a pillow or two as padding in my Santa suit. Good night, my loves. Happy Yule and Merry Christmas.”
His hand found mine and the four of us became conjoined links in a chain. Rose and Bella held hands in their sleep while we curled around them protectively. Their love was the best present I could ever ask for.
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